5 Ways to Make up For Being Born this Mother's Day
Written by: Violet Myers
Your poor old mum. She gives and she gives and never wants for nothing. She had a life once too you know, she used to be the wild one of the bunch, wild Wendy – that’s what they called her, dancing all night sleeping all day, not a care in the world. She had fun back then, she had plans, she had a butt you could bounce coins off, yeah that’s right momma had it going on. Until YOU came along and ruined everything! Pretty soon she was swapping drinking jelly shots out of stripper’s belly buttons for helping you put your damn straw into your damn Capri Sun. And to make matters even worse, you’ve gone and forgotten Mother’s Day! You thankless brat!
Show momma you really care and step away from that Moon Pig card, put those discount hydrangeas onto the floor and back away slowly from that box of Guylian Seashells! It’s time to treat the main lady in your world and slowly make up for ruining her life.
1) Spa Day for Two at The Laboratory Spa and Health Club
The Avenue, Muswell Hill, London, N10 2QE
£95 for two
The woman birthed you for god’s sake, the least you can do is wrap her up in a complimentary dressing gown and let her enjoy some high class steam.
You both will enjoy:
* Light lunch
* Complimentary bottled water, tea, coffee and ‘juice of the day’
* Free gift
* Complimentary use of robe, towel & slippers
* Full use of the spa facilities; steam, sauna, pool and more
2) Afternoon Tea at The Hilton
53 Upper Street, London, N1 0UY
£23 per person
Little fact about childbirth; episiotomy, yeah Google that and then tell me your dear mother doesn’t deserve a spot of well deserved tea.
Another fun fact about child birth; after a woman becomes a mother she instantly becomes obsessed with drinking tea out of a fancy pot and tiny little sandwiches.
You will both enjoy:
* Scones with clotted cream and jam
* A selection of cakes, including mini macaroons
* A selection of sandwiches
* A glass of bubbly
3) Karaoke at Lucky Voice Karaoke
173-174 Upper Street, N1 1RG
£48 for four people, two hours
Before you and your endless neediness ripped into your mum’s life and took over, she did a hell of Cher medley. Now, only occasionally, does she whip it out at the odd PTA meeting, only to be told she’s ‘embarrassing you’.
Well swallow that shame, invite your equally bratty siblings and let momma do what momma does best, sing it Wendy!
4) Bottomless Brunch at Made Bar & Kitchen
£29.95 per person, two hours per table
Remember that time you had chicken pox, diahorrea and ear ache all on the same day? Or the time your Year 9 boyfriend cheated on your with that slutty Sara? You mum bloody well does.
Tell her thank you, I love you and sorry all at the same time with a jolly old bottomless brunch.
You will enjoy:
* Unlimited waffles, croissants, toast and more
* 1 x main from the menu including; full english, pancakes and french toast
* Bottomless bellinis and bloody mary’s
5) Flowers from Bud
150 Tollington Park, N4 3AD
Bouquets in a range of prices
Flowers on Mother’s Day may not seem like the most original idea any one’s ever had, but sometimes an old classic will do just the job in helping mum forget the twenty hours of back bracking labour she endured just so you could be an underpaid administration assistant with a gambling problem.
Remember not all flowers are created equal so take the time to choose a bunch she’ll really love and steer clear of discount section…you cheap bastard.
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