7 Badass Hen Party Ideas in North London

Written by: Shanna F. Jones

If some motherfuckin’ marketing joker thinks they’re gonna stereotype your ass with their motherfuckin’ hen do cliches, well, they better think again, huh? Willy straws can go to hell in a pink floral handbasket, thank you. We’ve rounded up seven of the best motherfuckin’ badass hen do ideas to be had in North London. Willy straws and male strippers* can swivel on my engagement ring finger… *Nudity may still feature.

1. Go to a motherfuckin’ rave

Every badass hen has her preferred genre. Hardstyle? Gabba? Acid Techno? The best goddamn hen do I ever went on we stayed up for three days at Tresor in Berlin with our heads in a bass bin. We lost our minds and the bride turned into her alter ego, Simon. Holy crap I thought I was gonna die of a freakin’ overdose on the plane home. The legendary Whirl-Y-Gig has moved to North LDN now and has a range of ravey genres to entertain all manner of badass hen do guests. Even the music snobs. Are you havin’ a good night, yet?

Canal boat party in North London

2. Have a motherfuckin’ canal boat party

Make like a ruthless pirate and hijack a ship on the Regent’s Canal. You can legally hijack boats for money these days, isn’t that great? If you need a boat with access for disabled pirates try The Pirate Castle.

3. Become a motherfuckin’ spy

Any self-respecting badass hen who doesn’t want to wear a fake moustache and run around with Undercover London pretending to be James (or Jane…) Bond needs to have a word with herself.

4. Go on a motherfuckin’ camping trip

You don’t want no goddamn establishment telling you what to do on your own goddamn last dance of freedom and, uh, y’all some broke ass motherfuckin’ badass hens anyway… So you know what you’re gonna do? You’re gonna get your ass, a load of booze, outlandish fancy dress and straight up badwoman party games down to the nearest field, beach or forest and y’all gonna have a jokes weekend with your favourite gyaldem.

 

5. Take someone’s eye out with a goddamn arrow

Unlease your inner Katniss Everdeen with a group archery class. *Fiancé/fiancée not to be used as future target practice.

6. Become a motherfuckin’ dominatrix

Pineapple. Pineapple. PINEAPPLE. I SAID PINEAPPLE GODDAMN IT! Don’t forget your slave’s safe word – oh you cruel mistress – but have no mercy until thy word is uttered. Whips, masks, latex, chains; your hire-able naked man slave ought to be a good to Mistress Badass Hen or rue the day they decided against going for that HR job interview for a biscuit factory in Southport. Book a group dominatrix lesson and Go Hen will even arrange you a naked man – silencio you piece of scum!

7. Become a total motherfuckin’ badass free running champ

Bet not even you thought of this one, huh badass? No doubt you’ve seen a couple of complete mentalists leaping up walls and off buildings on YouTube but the likelihood is you’ve been too much of a wimp to try it yourself. Instructors will teach you how to see the city as your playground without busting yourself up before the wedding. Badass.

*No fiancés or fiancées were harmed in the making of this article.

Photo of ‘Tank Girl on a Break’: Greyloch
Photo of canal boat: Walkers Key
Photo of ‘Bad Girls Club’: Matthias Weinberger

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