7 Badass Hen Party Ideas in North London
Written by: Shanna F. Jones
If some motherfuckin’ marketing joker thinks they’re gonna stereotype your ass with their motherfuckin’ hen do cliches, well, they better think again, huh? Willy straws can go to hell in a pink floral handbasket, thank you. We’ve rounded up seven of the best motherfuckin’ badass hen do ideas to be had in North London. Willy straws and male strippers* can swivel on my engagement ring finger… *Nudity may still feature.
1. Go to a motherfuckin’ rave
Every badass hen has her preferred genre. Hardstyle? Gabba? Acid Techno? The best goddamn hen do I ever went on we stayed up for three days at Tresor in Berlin with our heads in a bass bin. We lost our minds and the bride turned into her alter ego, Simon. Holy crap I thought I was gonna die of a freakin’ overdose on the plane home. The legendary Whirl-Y-Gig has moved to North LDN now and has a range of ravey genres to entertain all manner of badass hen do guests. Even the music snobs. Are you havin’ a good night, yet?
2. Have a motherfuckin’ canal boat party
Make like a ruthless pirate and hijack a ship on the Regent’s Canal. You can legally hijack boats for money these days, isn’t that great? If you need a boat with access for disabled pirates try The Pirate Castle.
3. Become a motherfuckin’ spy
Any self-respecting badass hen who doesn’t want to wear a fake moustache and run around with Undercover London pretending to be James (or Jane…) Bond needs to have a word with herself.
4. Go on a motherfuckin’ camping trip
You don’t want no goddamn establishment telling you what to do on your own goddamn last dance of freedom and, uh, y’all some broke ass motherfuckin’ badass hens anyway… So you know what you’re gonna do? You’re gonna get your ass, a load of booze, outlandish fancy dress and straight up badwoman party games down to the nearest field, beach or forest and y’all gonna have a jokes weekend with your favourite gyaldem.
5. Take someone’s eye out with a goddamn arrow
Unlease your inner Katniss Everdeen with a group archery class. *Fiancé/fiancée not to be used as future target practice.
6. Become a motherfuckin’ dominatrix
Pineapple. Pineapple. PINEAPPLE. I SAID PINEAPPLE GODDAMN IT! Don’t forget your slave’s safe word – oh you cruel mistress – but have no mercy until thy word is uttered. Whips, masks, latex, chains; your hire-able naked man slave ought to be a good to Mistress Badass Hen or rue the day they decided against going for that HR job interview for a biscuit factory in Southport. Book a group dominatrix lesson and Go Hen will even arrange you a naked man – silencio you piece of scum!
7. Become a total motherfuckin’ badass free running champ
Bet not even you thought of this one, huh badass? No doubt you’ve seen a couple of complete mentalists leaping up walls and off buildings on YouTube but the likelihood is you’ve been too much of a wimp to try it yourself. Instructors will teach you how to see the city as your playground without busting yourself up before the wedding. Badass.
*No fiancés or fiancées were harmed in the making of this article.
Joined by over 50 other artists incorporating printmaking, painting, digital art, photography and small-scale sculpture, Tomorrow’s World presents us with utopias, dystopias, predictions, prophecies and visions of the future. We hit up the private view last Friday and it was pretty damn bleak, in the best sense of the word.
Carouse founders Chris, Theo and Ben – the charming folk behind Kentish Town’s Rose and Crown – have a new venture afoot and we couldn’t be more bloody excited to see it. We’ve been creeping in their windows, peering through the paint and sneaking glimpses at builders’ bums for a few months now (okay, maybe not the last one), watching these guys transform this cosy corner of Crouch Hill into a rather cool little boozer. Now they’re opening and everyone is invited. Come one, come all, and try all 20 of their beers on tap with us.
Last month I decided to try clubbing again. I don’t quite know what came over me, but I actually (brace yourselves) enjoyed it. I went to Body Hammer’s monthly party in Manor House and I’m here to tell you to go too, whether you love clubbing, hate clubbing, or really couldn’t care either way. #notspon
Rich, fried, buttery, potato-y vessels loaded with flavor combinations that go down rather well with craft beer, late nights and good times. Ha, who am I kidding, EVERYTHING goes down well with beer. You heard that right buddy, loaded potato skins are back with a bang (and a generous portion of bacon) and are currently being served at Old Street's The Magic Roundabout by street food pop-up Skins and we could not be any happier. Well, unless they were to stuff it with, say, Mac and Cheese or risotto. Oh, that's exactly what they do? Well paint me green and call me a cucumber.
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Alright guys, it’s happening. The frosty charm of December is, once again, being beaten to a pulp by the capitalists’ wet dream: Christmas. The hideous twinkling of artificial outdoor lighting is starting to appear, with tourists flocking from far and wide to watch D-list celebrities press a button. Invitations to Christmas parties flood in from your multiple part-time jobs, ensuring you make bad decisions bi-weekly til next year. Supermarkets are selling 12-day advent calendars containing confetti, cookie cutters and candles for a flawless £50. And oh, how the mulled wine flows.
Who doesn’t love a cheeky statistic, correctly sourced? You know we do. Well, did you know that for every £1 spent with a small business, 63p is re-spent in the local area, as opposed to a measly 40p in every £1 re-spent locally with larger businesses? An absolute travesty, am I right? That 23p has to mean something, right, guys?! Guys? Guys, where are you going? Wait, there’s freebies involved too!
By gum there are a lot of winter markets this year. Fueled by sickly sweet mulled wine and overpriced pulled pork sliders, we’ve managed to wade our way through the murky waters of winter markets and find some decent looking ones round this here part of town. Don’t let our Grinch-esq vibes put you off (I’m more of a Pancake Day person myself) because, if you’re into markets, you’ll probably like these. Read on, if you’re merrier than us.
Take a short walk along Finsbury Park’s own sunset strip and you’ll find MoseyHome, an interiors retailer and styling consultancy who have invited us to collaborate with them on an exciting new series titled 'Style My Shop', in which they invite some of London's most talented interiors experts to quite literally style their shop. Interiors porn at it's finest.
Why was the snowman sad? Because he had a meltdown. Much like us, every year, when winter comes. It’s cold, it’s dark, and we know Christmas is on its way. But hey, it’s not all bad – the events round this time of year can be pretty swell. So don your scarf-shawl-blanket and get your frolic on, it’s time for fairy lights, scarfing mulled wine and stuffing your face!
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Next time you need a caffeine hit why not take it from a cup brewed from Jamaican beans grown under a canopy of rainforest-preserving trees, whilst eating a home made vegan banana bread as you sit among an array of sweetly scented blooms. Welcome to Mento, Finsbury Park.