Burgers for Dogs: Porky's BBQ Bow Wow Burger Review
Written by: Buckley ?
Alreet? I feel like I should introduce mesel’ to you. Me name’s Buckley and I’m one of them miniature Schnauzers, like. I nah, I’ve been blessed in the looks department, I’m not even gonna lie. I’m originally from Germany but having spent quite a bit of time with my Geordie Auntie I’ve got a bit of a Newcastle twang like.
So’s anyways, when North Four told us that Porky’s BBQ were hosting this dog tea party in Crouch End I was reet up for it. Try the new Bow Wow burger for dogs? Whey aye I was aaall over it man. So off we toddled up the road to help them celebrate National Dog Day and National Burger Day all wrapped up in one neat and tasty morsel of a PR dream and I counted my little blessings all the way.
Buckley man you’ve basically made it, I thought to mesel, trotting through the doors of the restaurant where they didn’t bat a fookin eyelid. Did you nah that all Porky’s restaurants divvin give a shit if you’re a dog or human? Blew me tiny mind! Not only that, but they asked us if I wanted some water! I said yas pet and it arrived in a silver bowl on a tray with some laughable sugary nonsense for my Aunty and her belter friend. They quaffed theirs back a bit quick if you ask me, twittering on aboot how delicious and pineappley it was in between massive gulps. But whatevs Trevs, I’m not here to judge the fat old soaks.
Mind, they’re reet proper round these parts, like. You shouldda seen the birds who showed up. After I’d said hello to a couple of newcomers (one blonde lass called Jess was well bonny but she was having none of it), we all got to try these organic Bow Wow burgers they were gannin on aboot.
I’m not gonna lie I ate seven of the buggers. Seriously, seven in a row of those cocoa-peanutty beasts. I would’ve kept chowing down an’ all but me Aunty was giving me the eye. Don’t worry though, I got her back later when she didn’t have any of those ridiculous ‘poo bags’ as she calls them by Finsbury Park station. Haha she’s such a little fool, man!
Apparently these Bow Wow burgers are given out to any dogs who bring their humans to a Porkys Restaurant, for free? Weird. But lush.
Hey hang about! I haven’t even told you about the two pugs dude! Eeh right, so at one point we’re all chatting shit in the beer garden and in come two famous fuckers – this chap called Gizmo and his mate Walter, wearing matching shirts and bow ties and fuck me we all felt under dressed right then. A right pair of bobby dazzlers!
Ya knah, those Southern types who wear coats in Winter? They didn’t say much like, but they just had this air about them. They sat up on a table for a photoshoot and one of them in particular was really raking in the attention. I cannat explain it, but he just had this presence. Never mind their human friends. Reet couple of stunners they were. And this good looking Patterdale-cross definitely agreed. It got props awkward though when he kept trying the moves on Gizmo and we all just had to look away. That’s when me and this pale guy called Vince had a good old chinwag on the terrace and put the world to rights. He wasn’t much fussed with all that celebrity humping either. But bless his cottons, he had to put some sunscreen on his back when the sun got out. That’s when we had to get ready for the party activity.
Which, by the by, was paw painting! I’ve never tried it so you can imagine I was a bit nervous. But once I got me paw in that paint there was nee stopping us! In there like swimwear I was. I went for yella, blue and green and painted one of those hellish smelly things you find in the park while Jess, the sexy bitch next to us kept it proper simple with a little red print. It looked ace, I was so impressed. She’s quiet but she’s dead intriguing, dya nah what I mean? One of those.
Anyways, after that the humans (who’d been eerily quiet for a while, stuffing their faces with Porky’s pulled pork brioche buns and veggie burgers – seriously, such a bunch of fat heads) well, they all decided it would be a good idea if we all got a photo together on the bench. I was like, ARE YOU HAVING A LAUGH MAN? I started shouting at that point, yes, I hold my paws up. But I just thought that’s never gonna work! Especially since Goose had just showed up, this well built Schnauzer-cross with a penchant for.. well, food. I thought shit, here comes trouble. But turns out he was just the canniest twat you’ll ever want to meet. Pure salt of the earth type. So we had a bit of a bond over our German roots, slagged off Nigel Farage and posed for their poncey photoshoot cos it was Friday and why not.
After all that tasty scran I was gasping for a cold one, so we said our goodbyes and headed off to another dog friendly pub up the road (who knew how welcoming they all are in North London?) I tell yeh something, I slept right through the neet. I was knackered after all that farting around.
Ta Porky’s, I owe you one. That was a mint Friday.
Porkys BBQ restaurants are proud to be dog friendly and will give your dog a free Bow Wow burger when you arrive. They’re also available to purchase in multi-bags, which you will feel the need to believe me.
Photos Sophie Taylor
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