Four Things More Dangerous Than Jeremy Corbyn
Written by: Violet Myers
David Cameron recently responded to Jeremy Corbyn’s rise to power as the leader of the Labour party with this tweet:
Poor Cameron seems to be losing sleep worrying about us and maybe we should listen up. Dave is a politician after all and wouldn’t use sweeping statements such as these to, I don’t know, install false fear in the common voters merely as some sort of scare tactic, I mean the man went to Eton for god’s sake! Perhaps he’s heard it on the House of Lord’s grapevine that Corbyn is the sort of house guest that would come over, depart early and then leave the ruddy gate open. Or maybe Jez is the kind of bloke to use ‘12345’ as his hotmail password, endangering our intimate information to cyber terrorists all over the world.If so, cheers for the heads up but as scary as that all sounds, we think Dave is getting a bit ahead of himself. He must be forgetting that us Brits are made of some pretty hard nails; we’re a country built on steel mines, football riots and jellied eels. There are some souls who even watch Ant and Dec for FUN, a common form of torture in other countries.
So we thought we’d compile a list of things EVEN more dangerous than Jeremy Corbyn and with the look of these horrors, Jez will just have to get to the back of the line of the countries’ worries.
They can jazz up a salad like nobody’s business. Spread one on a slice of sourdough and you’ll have hipsters queuing down the road for a slice of the action. What you might not know is that these creamy little bastards are shredding the hands of many an unprepared Brit, just innocently trying to whip up some guacamole. Their recent surge in popularity has given the lumpy fiends a new name: ‘The Most Dangerous Fruit in the Kitchen’ or ‘The Widow Maker’ for short. One slip of the knife and your hand modelling career is over. Eastenders actor James Bye managed to severe an artery an avocado ‘incident’ last year and the press has been rife with ‘When Fruit Turns Bad’ headings, warning of the dangers of avocado based tomfoolery.
Dave take note, this one is especially for you. Turns out household pigs don’t just make great sandwiches or lovers, they are also masters in the art of murder. We all remember Gary Oldman’s grisly demise in ‘Hannibal’ but apparently pig related death is not just an urban legend. In 2006 a Welsh farmer was mauled and bitten by his pig, while in 2007 a group of swine worked together to knock a farmer off his feet in order to attack him. You have been warned, the bacon bites back.
Double-decker buses have been the mortal enemy of drunks and the invariably clumsy since the dawn of time. But descending feebly down into the abyss of the bottom floor, gripping the non existent handrail as the driver flings the bus around Old Street roundabout, is enough to make even the strongest willed feel like Bambi on an ice-rink. So it’s no surprise that there have been endless cases of ‘stair-related injuries’ popping up all over the country.
To the horror of fathers everywhere twerking hit an all time high in popularity in recent years, making it the official mating dance of drunk white girls everywhere. But as well as bruising our respect for today’s youth, twerking has been the reported cause of many a popped knee, broken coccyx and even a snapped spinal chord, making the twerk the most deadly dance since the great okey-kokey massacre of ’99.
When danger reared its ugly head, Brave Sir Robin turned and fled… to his namesake pub on Crouch Hill for a craft beer and a top-notch meal from kitchen residency Cue Point. Warm globes of light hang above intimate booths, specially commissioned wall design offers a rich backdrop, and cosy sofas, deep armchairs and plentiful cushioned stools ensure no one is without a seat.
Flocking to Holloway Road on one of the many Sundays that we’ve spent at the Nag’s Head Car Boot Sale, we spotted a new Vietnamese place called Pho Hot getting ready to open up their doors. Being the nosy folks we are, we peeked inside and spotted a menu. Banh Mi was on it. It's a baguette, but not as you know it. Glory of all glories! It’s been far too long since I last consumed this distinctive sarnie and I'm happy as Larry that there's a new Banh Mi joint on my doorstep.
Baby, it’s getting cold outside, and what better way to aide our frostbitten noses than a chat to a professional skin person? We’re talking to Lee Garrett, founder of The Garrett Clinic, accomplished skincare specialist and heralded by many as the UK’s leading Skin Guru. Read on to find out his insider tips for surviving this winter season with your skin looking as radiant as the moon that breaks a stormy night.
Joined by over 50 other artists incorporating printmaking, painting, digital art, photography and small-scale sculpture, Tomorrow’s World presents us with utopias, dystopias, predictions, prophecies and visions of the future. We hit up the private view last Friday and it was pretty damn bleak, in the best sense of the word.
Carouse founders Chris, Theo and Ben – the charming folk behind Kentish Town’s Rose and Crown – have a new venture afoot and we couldn’t be more bloody excited to see it. We’ve been creeping in their windows, peering through the paint and sneaking glimpses at builders’ bums for a few months now (okay, maybe not the last one), watching these guys transform this cosy corner of Crouch Hill into a rather cool little boozer. Now they’re opening and everyone is invited. Come one, come all, and try all 20 of their beers on tap with us.
Last month I decided to try clubbing again. I don’t quite know what came over me, but I actually (brace yourselves) enjoyed it. I went to Body Hammer’s monthly party in Manor House and I’m here to tell you to go too, whether you love clubbing, hate clubbing, or really couldn’t care either way. #notspon
Rich, fried, buttery, potato-y vessels loaded with flavor combinations that go down rather well with craft beer, late nights and good times. Ha, who am I kidding, EVERYTHING goes down well with beer. You heard that right buddy, loaded potato skins are back with a bang (and a generous portion of bacon) and are currently being served at Old Street's The Magic Roundabout by street food pop-up Skins and we could not be any happier. Well, unless they were to stuff it with, say, Mac and Cheese or risotto. Oh, that's exactly what they do? Well paint me green and call me a cucumber.
Magical gifts, wonderful gifts, marvellous gifts, beautiful gifts, gifts, glorious gifts glo-ri-ous giiiiiifts. Please Sir, I want some more. It’s that time of year again and whether you love it or loathe it gifts will be purchased and presented into expectant hands. Stroud Green's very own Pretty Shiny Shop have compiled a gift guide to help ease the shopping shock. Imagine only having to trot to your local gift shop and tick off your entire shopping list in one fell swoop. Done, finito, terminado! To make it that little sweeter, it's also all very affordable... so you won't even have to pick a pocket or two.
Alright guys, it’s happening. The frosty charm of December is, once again, being beaten to a pulp by the capitalists’ wet dream: Christmas. The hideous twinkling of artificial outdoor lighting is starting to appear, with tourists flocking from far and wide to watch D-list celebrities press a button. Invitations to Christmas parties flood in from your multiple part-time jobs, ensuring you make bad decisions bi-weekly til next year. Supermarkets are selling 12-day advent calendars containing confetti, cookie cutters and candles for a flawless £50. And oh, how the mulled wine flows.
Who doesn’t love a cheeky statistic, correctly sourced? You know we do. Well, did you know that for every £1 spent with a small business, 63p is re-spent in the local area, as opposed to a measly 40p in every £1 re-spent locally with larger businesses? An absolute travesty, am I right? That 23p has to mean something, right, guys?! Guys? Guys, where are you going? Wait, there’s freebies involved too!
By gum there are a lot of winter markets this year. Fueled by sickly sweet mulled wine and overpriced pulled pork sliders, we’ve managed to wade our way through the murky waters of winter markets and find some decent looking ones round this here part of town. Don’t let our Grinch-esq vibes put you off (I’m more of a Pancake Day person myself) because, if you’re into markets, you’ll probably like these. Read on, if you’re merrier than us.
Take a short walk along Finsbury Park’s own sunset strip and you’ll find MoseyHome, an interiors retailer and styling consultancy who have invited us to collaborate with them on an exciting new series titled 'Style My Shop', in which they invite some of London's most talented interiors experts to quite literally style their shop. Interiors porn at it's finest.
Why was the snowman sad? Because he had a meltdown. Much like us, every year, when winter comes. It’s cold, it’s dark, and we know Christmas is on its way. But hey, it’s not all bad – the events round this time of year can be pretty swell. So don your scarf-shawl-blanket and get your frolic on, it’s time for fairy lights, scarfing mulled wine and stuffing your face!
Touch, taste, smell, hear and create art. Smith & Sinclair, purveyors of the Edible Cocktail, presents The Flavour Gallery: a multi-sensory adventure that’ll seduce your senses and tickle your taste buds beyond all imagination. Ooh matron!