Four Things More Dangerous Than Jeremy Corbyn
Written by: Violet Myers
David Cameron recently responded to Jeremy Corbyn’s rise to power as the leader of the Labour party with this tweet:
Poor Cameron seems to be losing sleep worrying about us and maybe we should listen up. Dave is a politician after all and wouldn’t use sweeping statements such as these to, I don’t know, install false fear in the common voters merely as some sort of scare tactic, I mean the man went to Eton for god’s sake! Perhaps he’s heard it on the House of Lord’s grapevine that Corbyn is the sort of house guest that would come over, depart early and then leave the ruddy gate open. Or maybe Jez is the kind of bloke to use ‘12345’ as his hotmail password, endangering our intimate information to cyber terrorists all over the world.If so, cheers for the heads up but as scary as that all sounds, we think Dave is getting a bit ahead of himself. He must be forgetting that us Brits are made of some pretty hard nails; we’re a country built on steel mines, football riots and jellied eels. There are some souls who even watch Ant and Dec for FUN, a common form of torture in other countries.
So we thought we’d compile a list of things EVEN more dangerous than Jeremy Corbyn and with the look of these horrors, Jez will just have to get to the back of the line of the countries’ worries.
They can jazz up a salad like nobody’s business. Spread one on a slice of sourdough and you’ll have hipsters queuing down the road for a slice of the action. What you might not know is that these creamy little bastards are shredding the hands of many an unprepared Brit, just innocently trying to whip up some guacamole. Their recent surge in popularity has given the lumpy fiends a new name: ‘The Most Dangerous Fruit in the Kitchen’ or ‘The Widow Maker’ for short. One slip of the knife and your hand modelling career is over. Eastenders actor James Bye managed to severe an artery an avocado ‘incident’ last year and the press has been rife with ‘When Fruit Turns Bad’ headings, warning of the dangers of avocado based tomfoolery.
Dave take note, this one is especially for you. Turns out household pigs don’t just make great sandwiches or lovers, they are also masters in the art of murder. We all remember Gary Oldman’s grisly demise in ‘Hannibal’ but apparently pig related death is not just an urban legend. In 2006 a Welsh farmer was mauled and bitten by his pig, while in 2007 a group of swine worked together to knock a farmer off his feet in order to attack him. You have been warned, the bacon bites back.
Double-decker buses have been the mortal enemy of drunks and the invariably clumsy since the dawn of time. But descending feebly down into the abyss of the bottom floor, gripping the non existent handrail as the driver flings the bus around Old Street roundabout, is enough to make even the strongest willed feel like Bambi on an ice-rink. So it’s no surprise that there have been endless cases of ‘stair-related injuries’ popping up all over the country.
To the horror of fathers everywhere twerking hit an all time high in popularity in recent years, making it the official mating dance of drunk white girls everywhere. But as well as bruising our respect for today’s youth, twerking has been the reported cause of many a popped knee, broken coccyx and even a snapped spinal chord, making the twerk the most deadly dance since the great okey-kokey massacre of ’99.
Spirited away from the hubbub of the city, sitting on the bustling boundaries of Islington and Camden, a 65 metre wide gallery resides hidden behind the Attic Self Storage building in Kings Cross. Market Road Gallery is a newly opened space for everyone to contribute to. It is London’s first bookable open air public gallery. Everyone, from the neighbourhood cat to a fancy pants established artiste, can create artwork for the space.
Today Britain will relish (moan) in 16 hours and 38 minutes of daylight, with the sun rising at 4:43am and setting at 9:31pm. It’s set to be a record breaking 33 degrees in London. I for one am going to need all the help I can get not to disappear like the wicked witch of the West into a sticky puddle on Stroud Green Road. Here’s our Solstice-worshipping, Pagan inspired tips for surviving the hottest and longest day of the year in London.
It’s time. Time to bask (complain) in the sun and ask why god why when will it end?? Yes, Summer is officially here for the week, the hottest week in the last 20 years. This Friday, Drum n Bounce are coming all the way down South to help us celebrate this fact, as healthily as possible. Right in the middle section of VeloPark (link) you can take part in uplifting and limbering flow yoga with Tammy’s Yoga before 45 minutes of energising drum n bounce aerobics. This is basically getting hot and fit and dancey to your favourite tracks before you head off in to the night (or bed) with a massive sweaty smile on your mug.
Next Friday night, ignore your mounting list of life admin and venture outwards into the ether for a misanthropic wine a plenty. It’s the Black Books pub quiz at The Duke of Wellington as part of their couch potato themed quiz series. Entry is a meagre £2 but you can win some cold hard real cash if you’re up on your Dylan Moran / Tamsin Greig / Bill Bailey shaped references.
Who are the Heather Brothers? It’s a question that’s been keeping me up at night. Ever since I was asked to review their latest musical, Holy Crap, I’ve been trapped in something of a Google wormhole. To begin at the beginning: the Heather Brothers are, depending on who you ask, a musical writing duo/trio/quartet. Born in London, they grew up in Zimbabwe, where they spent their teenage years performing in a fraternal rock band. Again, depending on who you ask, they were variously known as: The Chequers, The Three People or Quiet World.
“Arriving back in the UK, after a long time away, there seemed to have been a swing towards xenophobia and the dehumanizing and vilify of both migrants and refugees was happening at the highest levels. I wanted to create a short that would address this trend.” Director Daniel Mulloy
The gin enthusiasts down at Hendricks have decided to take these cucumber celebrations a slice further with their Cultivate the Unusual campaign. Encouraging gin fans to grow their own cucumbers over the last few months in preparation, Hendricks are asking us to bring said veggies to participating pubs and bars this Thursday 15th June. The Canonbury Tavern for example, will light up if you walk in with a cucumber and will proceed to exchange it for a free gin and tonic. Can you imagine?
Hang Up Gallery have some pretty hush hush news. And it goes a little something like this: Darryl ‘Run’ DMC McDaniels will be popping up in the Stoke Newington gallery this month to launch his new collection of works, The Art of DMC. This is the icon’s first London exhibition, showing new and unseen collection of ‘Darryl Makes Comics (DMC)’ Fine Art, a body of signed limited edition prints showcasing his underlying passion for comics.
This year marks the 50th anniversary of the original Summer of Love ’67 where freedom of expression, art and love reigned supreme. #ShopStroudGreen are celebrating the fact with a Summer of Love Local weekend festival this June. Celebrate artistic expression and support local independent traders and makers with a weekend of live art, workshops and music (with a few special discounts, tasters and freebies for good measure).
Oh snap! Another general election looms. Whether you’re hopeful for a landslide win or a surprising wild card outcome, wipe the bitter disappointment from your tastebuds with some gins, ales, burgers and strong covfefe. Because let’s face, it will be neither of those results will it really? Find the perfect place for you to receive the bad news in good company.
Get a different perspective on the city you live in this June. Film London are holding a screening of archive footage of London’s outer boroughs through the decades, underscored by live music accompaniment. The best of London’s Screen Archives hugely successful project, London: A Bigger Picture will be shown, funded by Heritage Lottery three years ago.
We caught up with Snowy the Harringay Station cat to talk Twitter, working life and his unsavoury friendship with Gus the fox. Summer is coming and, in North London, that means it’s time to hit the train stations. So we took Snow the Haringey Station Cat and photographer Mike Barry tumbling across one of them: the undergrowth of Haringey Station. Then we sat down with Snowy for a raw conversation about how to move forward after things fall apart.
“You grow it, we mow it” might be their blasé catchphrase, but Rocket’s attitude to your haircut is far from casual. These guys are serious about hair and the person that grew it. Rocket Stoke Newington are holding a day of free beer and entertainment with your cut in aid of Men’s Mental Health Sunday this 12th June. Also known as “Chopping for Chazza”, there’ll be talks on mental health, stand up comedy and more from 12 - 5pm.
Unless you’re already working for charity or regularly ‘do your bit’, that £6 monthly donation to The Dogs Trust might not be doing enough to quash your conscience / save the world. Whether you’re doing it for experience, to reset your karmic balance or generally give back and help out, there’ll be a role out there for you. On the Volunteer Centre Camden’s website for example, there’s a handy search page that lets you filter through hundreds of opportunities by location, interest and activity.
Currently showing at Camden People’s Theatre, performance artist Tom Marshman’s play Kings Cross (Remix) is a glorious celebration of a bygone era. The show is a tightly crafted journey through the stories of some of the people who made up the 1980s Kings Cross LGBTQ scene. Bursting with warmth, charm and affection, the play is a must see for anyone interested in learning more about London’s alternative history.
The Londoner behind 'Strong and Stable My Arse'. It’s a simple message. A slogan that’s straight to the point. 'Strong and Stable My Arse’ is a statement everyone can understand with a wry grin as they spot it slathered onto billboards, phone boxes and brick walls around the UK. So who could possibly be behind such a simple, cheeky, dig in the ribs campaign? Someone who knows his audience, who knows the mindset of the British like the back of his left hand.