How Does it Feel to be a Dominatrix?

Written by: Violet Myers

For many of us the closest we’ll ever get to BDSM is stealthily reading Fifty Shades of Grey over someone’s shoulder on the tube, while the true realities of our neighbour’s bedroom habits remain strictly secret. But for some whips, chains and pain are all in a day’s work and while their day may involve 100% more ball sack than any of us could hope or want to deal with, a dominatrix still makes the odd spreadsheet now and then.

Ms X* works in North London, she’s currently studying for an MBA in Business and runs several different enterprises, she’s also a full time dom.

dominatrix north london magazine north four

We met up with her to find out how it really feels to be a dominatrix…

“I’m originally from Eastern Europe and have been a dom for six years, but my background is in weight lifting, personal training and contact sport. I got into dom work as I also did some a fetish modelling when a guy, after seeing my photos, contacted me and asked me if he could pay me to wrestle him. I thought this must be dodgy, its too much money for such simple work! At first I was against it, but then I thought it doesn’t hurt to go and meet him in a public place and find out about it. So I met him and he explained the concept of domination and how it works. I found it very interesting, I did some research and thats how it all started. I was used to training people as a personal training, so instead of me fighting with them and charging them, I could charge three times more and still have a great workout! It was perfect!

My sessions last for an hour on average, but it could go anything up to eight hours, it really depends on who the client is and what they’ve asked for. £200 is the minimum for a session, but I charge accordingly. Sometimes my clients want companionship as well, to just spend some time with a woman, so we’ll go to dinner afterwards, that’s an extra £150 on top. If it’s my returning client we can make a deal, I have a loyalty system. I keep spreadsheets of all of my clients – who they are and what they like. I take my business very seriously, I want to ensure they get what they want and leave a smile on their face.

My niche is wrestling and muscle worship. I’ve been branded by my clients as one of the strongest females they’ve seen in London.

Apparently I’ve got the most beautiful feet, the strongest scissors, the biggest calves they’ve ever experienced, I’m also an incredibly strong arm wrestler. I feel men can underestimate women but we are an incredibly strong species.

People often assume my work is like prostitution, but it’s really not, I’m not selling my body, I’m the one in control. I know I have nothing to be ashamed of, I’m not a criminal, I’m not hurting anyone or putting myself in danger. Everything is consensual, nothing is against anyone’s will and I kind of feel like I’m fulfilling their dreams. It’s a brilliant feeling when a client comes to me saying: “I’ve been married 20 years; my wife would leave me if she knew what I like”, then a week after our first session he sends me an email that says: “You’ve saved my marriage!” What I do is like therapy for them. It has changed my view on men completely. These little kinks are something that everyone has, but it’s so taboo and no one will talks about it. Everyone has something, but they’re scared of looking weird in front of their mates.

I have such a broad range of clients, it’s absolutely mixed. I have mechanics, plumbers, accountants and even MPs. I get high profile people that I don’t recognise until I see them on TV. It’s a big responsibility on my side, making sure that the data protection is in place, they have to trust me and I have to trust them. The people that have jobs that don’t pay well sometimes try to bargain with me or ask for a discount as they can’t afford my prices, but I have to say no, this is my livelihood and time is money. But sometimes I make exceptions, if I’m not too busy, sometimes you have to give to receive. I feel it’s important for everyone to experience what they need no matter how much money they make.

I’ve met with people that treat this as fun but for me I see this as a business.

I’ve got my plans, I’m not going to be doing this for the rest of my life so I need to consider an exit strategy. I pay my university fees, I’m doing an MBA in Business, so all the money I’m earning I’m pumping back into myself. I’m not spending it on handbags and shoes, I use the money to invest in my education.

I’m newly single having just gotten out of a fantastic five year relationship with a very supportive partner. He knew what I was doing wasn’t dodgy or sleezy, he was actually one of my career’s biggest initiators. I’ve practiced bondage on him, it was so fun, he’s fantastic. Although we’ve broken up now, it was never due to my work, we’re still great friends. 
Now I’m back on the market I wouldn’t hide this from anyone but I wouldn’t disclose it on the first date: “Oh hey, I’m a dominatrix!” I’d really scare the hell out of him! Some people take time to understand.

Although I haven’t read ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ I’ve been told about it. I feel this book has spoiled an entire generation’s view on what BDSM is all about. The book and movie have shown an abusive relationship between a man and woman, which is completely not what we do. BDSM is about female empowerment. I’d consider writing a book one day and reveal what BDSM is really like.

My job has completely changed how I view people, I can’t judge any one because I know deep down we’re all a little strange.

I feel that, as a society, we have a problem with sexual expression. I get countless clients come to me and they all want to know the same thing, if they’re weird or if what they’re asking for is different or strange, I just say: “Sweetheart, 80% of people want the exact same thing as you. You’re not weird.” Nothing is weird really. I’ve been doing this for a long time and I’ve learned the only thing that’s weird is the society we’re living in.”

* Name has been changed to protect identity. Some details of this article have also been changed to protect the interviewee’s identity.

Images: are of models and are in no way associated with Ms X.

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