Political Apocalypse: Welcome To The End Of The World
Written by: Sophie Taylor
It’s a cold, November day. The leaves have turned burned ombre, the sky has streaks of bright orange, we slip on a discarded satsuma. Falling slowly to the ground, we laugh at ourselves helplessly and the empty giggles echo around the streets for at least four more years.
In these surreal and shaky times, we ask the locals of Newington Green what they’d do on their last day on Earth. Plans mostly involve alcohol, but mainly focused on gathering friends. Welcome to the apocalypse in Newington Green.
We take a deep breath. We begrudgingly trudge across the leafy grass of Newington Green, still wet with dew, wondering what the dogs must think of us twisted, pitiful humans. We reach solace at Lizzie’s, a cafe full of promise and vegan cake in these depressing times.
Martha smiles at us knowingly, pours us a coffee, keeping our gaze all the while. It’s reassuring. Handing it over she explains her plans for the end. “A boozy bonfire, right here in the middle of the green, with all my friends.” Her work mate Dan chimes in, “But what about getting drunk in the pub?”
Martha looks towards the dogs and the locals as old as time reclining on the deckchairs, laughing amongst themselves.
“No, we need to be outside, with nature, on the grass. It’s the end of the world. We don’t want to be inside a building now.”
Buoyed by cream cheese icing and caffeine, we float across the zebra crossing to the candle lit charcuterie, Yield. Tony is leaning on a barrel of his olive oil, popping open a bottle of his homemade farmhouse red wine as we enter.
What are you going to do Tony? What are your plans for this end of days?
He offers us each a glass and we all sip contentedly while he decides. Those Italian grapes have got a lot to answer for. This is some easy drinking adult juice.
“I am going to host a picnic here, with all the passionate local business owners of Newington Green”. He describes the apocalyptic harvest they will ‘yield’ (geddit), bringing together the incredible tastes of local cafes and restaurants to create an epic picnic inside his four walls.
Starting to feel a little more positive (/tipsy), we trip round the corner onto Green Lanes. Mark from Atom Gallery is spraying Moet over the walls of his new gallery with a large group of friends, cackling and twisting to Northern Soul. The rhythms follow us down the road as we slip in to collective art space, Greenhouse for shelter from the rust coloured rain. People are still creating fantastic, soul wrenching and witty art on their macbooks, sipping flat whites. Nick Cave plays out from the swinging pod chair speakers.
Strangely hungry we’re drawn to Lottie of Feest London, the cafe within Greenhouse. She’s ravenous too, telling us her apocalyptic plans to eat her way around Newington Green. “Starting with my friends at Lizzies on the Green I’ll have delicious cake, followed by tapas at Trangallan, washed down with a nightcap at Newington Table. Of course we’ll all come back here for the real ending, as this is the coolest place to hang out”. She’s not wrong.
At this point we remember our friends still taking shelter from the cold in The Lady Mildmay pub. We rush back to tell them everything’s okay, we’ve met some happy positive people and we don’t have to be miserable. Bursting through the doors we see them whipping their hair to David Bowie’s ‘Five Years’ and spilling warm glasses of mulled cider in hearty chin chins. Steve, the owner, is watching over the merriments and stirring the pot of bubbling alcohol. We ask how he is and what he wants to do next. “I’m continuing to be the host tonight. From The Lady Mildmay you’ve got front row seats to the end of the world. We’re still going to serve food, pull pints and make cocktails.”
Loyal and professional to the end, the friendly folks of Newington Green have made us laugh while keeping us warm, nourished and drunk. What more can you ask for amongst friends in an apocalypse? It’s the end of the world as we know it. Chin up and chin chin.
If only there was a club night that could tap into that special pre night out time. Or at least play your taste in music, sometimes on repeat. Imagine! Lucky for you musical homebirds, bi-monthly club night Mammory Tapes intent to do just that at VFD in Stokey. All night long you can expect an all girl playlist and the best of your bedroom beats on the dance floor. So get ready to finally showcase your once unseen pyjama/half ready outfit based choreography.
“He said, I know It’s only arctic roll but I like it like it yes I dooooo” Those are the lyrics right? Well this weekend they certainly are, at Kerb’s Guiltiest Pleasure in Kings Cross featuring an arctic roll of pure indulgence. Over Friday 21st and Saturday 22nd July, the street food collective from your wildest dreams are hosting the most indulgent hits from all their pop ups at Granary Square.
Hivemind are coming to the Hen and Chickens Theatre this Summer with a cracker of an innovative show. Three directors try to win over the audience with improvised stories acted out by the rest of the Hivemind cast on the spur of the moment. As each scene ends you decide whether to “stick” and see where the story goes or “twist” and let the next director take over. The director who ends up with the least scenes acted out has to pay a ‘terrible forfeit’. Told you it was harsh.
We have been wondering whether or not to share this secret gem with you for a while now. Having walked past Cazenove Road on many a drunken occasion, we’d spotted The Lacy Nook A Board luring us inwards with a siren’s call of cocktails and beer garden. But unfortunately we’d get the timing all wrong and they’d rarely be open. “Closed at 4am! How ludicrous?” we’d holler, slurring and swaying up the road. Until now. Opening last year, The Lacy Nook is a collaboration between two friends who turned to Kickstarter to help them achieve this culinary dream . Think small and large plates of fusion Balkan BBQ, salads and carpaccio alongside
This year, Playing Up have commissioned a new play by Sophie Ellerby (HighTide First Commissions Writer and NYT REP Company 2013), Three, which will be staged at the Arcola Theatre from 20th to 22nd July. The urban and domestic drama, directed by NYT Associate Director Anna Niland follows three sisters who fight to keep track of reality as their world is turned upside down.
Tonight, on this dull yet sweaty Monday, what you may well need is to show your confectionary based fillings to the ceiling and let it all out with a huge bellowing guffaw about nothing in particular. Let the likes of quick witted Josie Long, surreal twosome Max and Ivan and the downright uproarious Tom Parry help you escape the chocolate lacking reality of 2017.
Registered charity, All Dogs Matter are a dog rehoming centre based in Archway. They use a mixture of foster homes and kennel spaces to house their dogs, who are each looking to be fostered or adopted. Occasionally we look through their profiles of beautiful singletons looking for love and feature one at random. We interviewed one newly single lady in particular called Lottie. A fun spirited character with smooth hair and a huge grin, Lottie was a right laugh.
Next Sunday it’s the Cally Road Jumble Trail, run by the community. Think a car boot sale but on the street with vintage clothing, accessories, toys, original creations and cakes if you’re lucky. The whole of the trail is set up online over at jumbletrail.com where visitors get a colour coded map to explore and discover all the hidden treasures on offer from your neighbourhood.
You’ve got your socks pulled up but no Cliff Richard in sight. You’re all white shorted up with nowhere to go. It’s time to find out where your white headbanded self will fit in. Here's our top four Wimbledon screening hang outs to try this Summer.
Until five minutes ago I would’ve believed Pet Nat was a holistic dog food brand / veterinary business in Wood Green. I’m half right actually*, but in the boozios world it’s a fizzy wine. Pétillant Naturel is light and fizzy, usually pretty low on the alcohol scale and rather sweet. Think the opposite of a dry red wine.
Abney Public Hall is hosting a market of world food delicacies next weekend, having gathered together the creme de la creme of planet Earth’s cuisine. Prepare for a mass fusion of cultures, great food, drink and music just off Stoke Newington Church Street.
Otherwise known as the shoredification of London, there are four stages of denial when it comes to dealing with the inevitability of gentrification. Are you a dilapidated ol’ boozer clinging on to the same threads since 1989, or more of a craft beer-swilling/moustache-bearing pop up type propping up the bar at a cookie dough cafe? Let’s find out before your bedroom’s transformed in to a pop up belfie gallery.
Poop poop! Get your driving gloves on and tweed jackets ready, for Toady has invited us down to Toad Hall for a banquet on the riverbank. Join The Literary Hour for their all new immersive supper club experience this Summer. It’s the eighth in their series of book themed events with multi-sensory five course meals featuring additional surprises… Ooh ratty!
Every last Thursday of the month a motley crew of performing acts shuffle off to the skinny little Moustache Bar on Stoke Newington Road for a night of microphone hogging. It’s Open Mic night and the stage isn’t just available to acoustic guitar yielding crooners. The floor is open for all you comedians, rappers, poets, hell even actors are welcome to come tread the boards at Moustache Bar this Thursday 27th July.
Ah Stokey. You chilled out little rebel of North London. The seemingly easy breezy, laissez-faire attitude that appears to exude from every award winning eatery and baby clothes shop of Church Street is all but an organic hessian veil over it’s anarchic and rebellious history. Nonconformists, anti fascists and dissenters built the area as we know it.
Trying our luck, we decided to ask the wonderful Raina and Saira of Joginder Supper Club to give us some unseen insight in to their centuries old Punjabi recipes. Amazingly they agreed to shed some light on one of their most tasty dishes: the Bhoolghobi Tamatar (cauliflower with tomato and potato). Over to the experts...