The Hangover Games: 4 Places to Hang in N4
Written by: Violet Myers
There is endless online advice on where to get loaded in London, we all know our favourite places to waste our wages and cause mild embarrassment to our friends. But when it comes to the morning after we can sometimes be left sad and alone in the dark, sweating it out with only JustEat to hear us cry. Well suffer in silence no more, the hangover breakfast is a vital part of going out and it’s time we gave it the time it deserves.
We’ve tested the best of the best hangover breakfasts the N4 postcode has to offer, darlings you are welcome.
1. The Cafe Bar at Park Theatre – Clifton Terrace, Stroud Green
Menu highlights: Eggs Royale, predictable perhaps, but severe dehydration and self-inflicted nausea seems to love eggs covered in even more eggs.
Sympathy Levels: Sweet, smiley staff who do a very good job of hiding their disgust at your stinking walk of shame. They’re also child friendly and, let’s face it, drunks are basically grumpy, overgrown children.
Cosiness: Though the decor is pretty charming it does nothing for those with a hungover disposition, not a bean bag chair in sight and very little tolerance of lying on the floor in the foetal position.
Loud Noises: The Park Theatre doesn’t just feed self-sympathising boozers, it also acts as an actual theatre, with real people coming and going. For this reason it’s not the ideal place to over eat, have a very public, very loud nap slumped over a table – only to wake up screaming ‘what year is this?’, like you’ve just escaped from Jumanji.
Bloody Mary: N/A, although tomato soup is often on the menu and the bar serves a selection of vodkas, so you know – you do the maths. If that doesn’t quite float your boat they do a pretty gnarly espresso martini.
Hangover Fixer: 6/10
2. Blighty Coffee – Blackstock Road, Finsbury Park
Menu Highlights: With the risk of sounding political, it has to be the generous full English, named after the greatest Prime Minister the country has ever seen..no not Hugh Grant. Sigh. Finish two in 15 minutes and get your grease covered face on the wall of champions, oh yes!
Sympathy Levels: No judgment here, the hungover walk among the sober in a beautifully forgiving Utopia.
Cosiness: Positively womb-like. Blighty Coffee has a very reassuring ‘everything will be ok’ vibe, that any Friday night survivor is sure to appreciate.
Loud Noises: It’s a popular place for good reason, so noise can build, but don’t fret a couple of Winston’s and a coffee later and you’ll barely be able to care.
Bloody Mary: Forget the traditional and swap it for a smooth Bailey’s latte for some real boozy comfort.
Hangover Fixer: 8/10
3. The Front Room Cafe – Tollington Park, Stroud Green
Menu Highlights: It’s been scientifically proven time and time again that if you have to unhinge your jaw in order to take a bite out of a burger it will cure you of any hangover you are experiencing. The Front Room Cafe’s gourmet burger has everything you could ever need; gooey cheese, potato wedges and all under £10.
Sympathy Levels: A quaint place with smiley staff, if they are judging at least they’re doing it quietly.
Cosiness: The Front Room Cafe has a sort of homely, room at the front of your house sort of feel. Reminiscent of your eccentric shabby chic phase. Though it’s snug and welcoming, it lacks the all important sagging chair that every front room needs, maybe a hammock wouldn’t have gone a miss.
Loud Noises: Positively bustling on the weekends, you have been warned.
Bloody Mary: N/A, but if you can stomach it the cafe offers a selection of wines from 11am. Well, not actually sobering up is one way of dealing with a hangover. Make mine a large.
Hangover Fixer: 7/10
4. Zer Cafe and Juice Bar – Goodchild Road, Manor House
Menu Highlights: Because vegetarian’s suffer from the dreaded hangover too (there ‘aint no meat in a gin and slim) it has to be the hummus and halloumi wrap with chips, a hefty mountain of food that’ll have you on the mend in no time.
Sympathy Levels: Zer favours health over junk, offering a safe haven to those who have who have sinned.
Cosiness: A little sparse and ever so clean…is that table judging me?
Loud Noises: Being a juice bar, with a selection of smoothies, Zer is in constant use of blenders; every hangover sufferers mortal enemy. However, lying your head on the table and gently weeping to yourself should cover it reasonably.
Bloody Mary: It’s a dry zone but maybe that’s for the best, I hear alcohol can be bad for you.
Hangover Fixer: 6/10
And the winner is…
Scraping ahead with 8/10 it’s Blighty Coffee that has taken the crown with it’s irresistible spin on coffee classics and a good old fashioned eating challenge, how could we resist?
Next time you need a caffeine hit why not take it from a cup brewed from Jamaican beans grown under a canopy of rainforest-preserving trees, whilst eating a home made vegan banana bread as you sit among an array of sweetly scented blooms. Welcome to Mento, Finsbury Park.
Pilgrim, the newest kid to Hackney's pop-up scene, is a unique dining experience inspired by the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage. This six course tasting menu includes regional dishes with a contemporary twist not yet seen before in London.
Recent times have seen an unnerving surge in right-wing politics. President Trump’s campaign to ‘make America great again’ saw him make the audacious promise to ‘build a wall’. France saw the uneasy ascent of Marine Le Pen’s National Front in its general elections and Germany’s AfD, (the first openly nationalist party in almost six decades) celebrated an unprecedented third place victory in its recent elections.
Summer is officially over. We're not sure it ever began in the first place. I guess that's one of the few downsides of living in London (other than crippling debt, tube strikes and Boris Johnson), but I digress... Magic Roundabout Old Street is raising the bar for winter, transforming the site into a tented, heated, 'Decades' inspired wonderland.
Guess who’s back, back again. Fat Macy’s back, tell a friend. No, really. Tell everyone about it. Fat Macy's supper club came back into our lives and this time around they had their Middle Eastern Feast on at the cute as a button Luminary Bakery in Stoke Newington, with a menu inspired by Ottolenghi and the #CookForSyria campaign.
Getting shouted at by a burly prison guard with a buzz cut and an offensively loud American accent isn't usually the way one wishes to begin one's night. Nevertheless, as I clamber into a very large (cheers guys) orange jumpsuit, the guard shoves a bottle of Conkers Gin wrapped in a thin towel (no fluffy Egyptian cotton here lads), into my now somewhat clammy hands. Whispering hastily at me to not get caught by the warden I'm ushered off in single file into the depths of Alcotraz.
If you haven’t heard the news yet, the world’s first black bookshop is back. Yes, after months of campaigning for funding and volunteers, New Beacon Books has reopened after threat of closure with a brand new refurb to boot. Established in 1966 by John La Rose and Sarah White, New Beacon Books is the UKs longest running independent bookshop specialising in African-Caribbean literature, cards and artwork.
London cocktail week is upon us. To be honest I can think of nothing worse than strapping on a wristband, carrying around a guidebook and queuing up for something that just needs to be brought to my sorry, tired old lips immediately. Apparently this year however, Drink Up London have released an app that eliminates all of the above nonsense. Get your ticket, download the app and get enjoying your £6 cocktails all week long. Just remember to flash your digital pass to the bartender first.
Garage and psych rock fans rejoice - The Psychotic Monks are stopping off in Camden tonight as part of their European tour. Roughly translated from French (GCSE stylee merci very much), the psych rockers describe themselves as “noise, fury, music impregnated .. with life impulses” finding a balance between “neurotic madness and contemplative melancholy”.
A bubble tea place in Finsbury Park? That also does a bangin’ teriyaki chicken rice box? Uh, hell yeah. This little gem quietly opened up last March on Wells Terrace. Y’know the spot where folks bumble off the most crowded bus in the entirety of London and damn near break a hip scampering for the tube round the corner? Yeah, that little pocket of Finsbury Park.
According to a recent Provident Personal Credit survey Londoners still remain at the bottom of the friendliness scale scoring just 6.44 out of 10. Begging the question, how could anyone be possibly proud to be a Londoner? A city where its inhabitants revel in their ability to remain as cynical and isolated from the outside world as possible. A shallow group of people who are far more interested in Instagramming their brunch then saving money to buy houses or giving back to the community.
A series of talks taking place this November shines a necessary light on mental illness in boys and young men. Speakers will gather at Finsbury Park’s Arts and Media School to raise awareness and help advise on a variety of topics including substance misuse, eating disorders and suicide.
Staying in a hotel one mile from where you actually live feels strange enough, but doing it on your own is even stranger. These photos are a visual record of me wandering the lonely corridors of a new boutique hotel between the hours of 10-12pm. I would describe the decor as handmade but not cheap, minimal but not clinical. It has the feeling that money has been spent on the things that matter.
The rumours are true: a cheese festival exists and it’s coming to North London. This Sunday. Be there or be … cheese-less I suppose. But you’ve gouda get there early: If you’re as keen as brie and one of the first fifty fromage fondlers to show, you’re in the running for a free bottle of Black Cow’s pure milk vodka. Traders will be setting up stalls along Islington’s Chapel Market: from the Raclette Brothers and Mac to the Future to La Fromagerie and The Cheese Truck.
Dream Talk. It’s like Dream Phone, but not at all. Artist Emma Alonze and musician Andy Becker have joined forces to collaborate on a (possibly prophetic) new sound art project. Londoners are invited to take a moment out of their daily commute, routine or journey and immerse themselves in a narrated collection of dreams. Taking three years worth of forty winks, Alonze has gathered and narrated a chosen few to be set to an ambient soundtrack by Becker.