The Hangover Games: 4 Places to Hang in N4
Written by: Violet Myers
There is endless online advice on where to get loaded in London, we all know our favourite places to waste our wages and cause mild embarrassment to our friends. But when it comes to the morning after we can sometimes be left sad and alone in the dark, sweating it out with only JustEat to hear us cry. Well suffer in silence no more, the hangover breakfast is a vital part of going out and it’s time we gave it the time it deserves.
We’ve tested the best of the best hangover breakfasts the N4 postcode has to offer, darlings you are welcome.
1. The Cafe Bar at Park Theatre – Clifton Terrace, Stroud Green
Menu highlights: Eggs Royale, predictable perhaps, but severe dehydration and self-inflicted nausea seems to love eggs covered in even more eggs.
Sympathy Levels: Sweet, smiley staff who do a very good job of hiding their disgust at your stinking walk of shame. They’re also child friendly and, let’s face it, drunks are basically grumpy, overgrown children.
Cosiness: Though the decor is pretty charming it does nothing for those with a hungover disposition, not a bean bag chair in sight and very little tolerance of lying on the floor in the foetal position.
Loud Noises: The Park Theatre doesn’t just feed self-sympathising boozers, it also acts as an actual theatre, with real people coming and going. For this reason it’s not the ideal place to over eat, have a very public, very loud nap slumped over a table – only to wake up screaming ‘what year is this?’, like you’ve just escaped from Jumanji.
Bloody Mary: N/A, although tomato soup is often on the menu and the bar serves a selection of vodkas, so you know – you do the maths. If that doesn’t quite float your boat they do a pretty gnarly espresso martini.
Hangover Fixer: 6/10
2. Blighty Coffee – Blackstock Road, Finsbury Park
Menu Highlights: With the risk of sounding political, it has to be the generous full English, named after the greatest Prime Minister the country has ever seen..no not Hugh Grant. Sigh. Finish two in 15 minutes and get your grease covered face on the wall of champions, oh yes!
Sympathy Levels: No judgment here, the hungover walk among the sober in a beautifully forgiving Utopia.
Cosiness: Positively womb-like. Blighty Coffee has a very reassuring ‘everything will be ok’ vibe, that any Friday night survivor is sure to appreciate.
Loud Noises: It’s a popular place for good reason, so noise can build, but don’t fret a couple of Winston’s and a coffee later and you’ll barely be able to care.
Bloody Mary: Forget the traditional and swap it for a smooth Bailey’s latte for some real boozy comfort.
Hangover Fixer: 8/10
3. The Front Room Cafe – Tollington Park, Stroud Green
Menu Highlights: It’s been scientifically proven time and time again that if you have to unhinge your jaw in order to take a bite out of a burger it will cure you of any hangover you are experiencing. The Front Room Cafe’s gourmet burger has everything you could ever need; gooey cheese, potato wedges and all under £10.
Sympathy Levels: A quaint place with smiley staff, if they are judging at least they’re doing it quietly.
Cosiness: The Front Room Cafe has a sort of homely, room at the front of your house sort of feel. Reminiscent of your eccentric shabby chic phase. Though it’s snug and welcoming, it lacks the all important sagging chair that every front room needs, maybe a hammock wouldn’t have gone a miss.
Loud Noises: Positively bustling on the weekends, you have been warned.
Bloody Mary: N/A, but if you can stomach it the cafe offers a selection of wines from 11am. Well, not actually sobering up is one way of dealing with a hangover. Make mine a large.
Hangover Fixer: 7/10
4. Zer Cafe and Juice Bar – Goodchild Road, Manor House
Menu Highlights: Because vegetarian’s suffer from the dreaded hangover too (there ‘aint no meat in a gin and slim) it has to be the hummus and halloumi wrap with chips, a hefty mountain of food that’ll have you on the mend in no time.
Sympathy Levels: Zer favours health over junk, offering a safe haven to those who have who have sinned.
Cosiness: A little sparse and ever so clean…is that table judging me?
Loud Noises: Being a juice bar, with a selection of smoothies, Zer is in constant use of blenders; every hangover sufferers mortal enemy. However, lying your head on the table and gently weeping to yourself should cover it reasonably.
Bloody Mary: It’s a dry zone but maybe that’s for the best, I hear alcohol can be bad for you.
Hangover Fixer: 6/10
And the winner is…
Scraping ahead with 8/10 it’s Blighty Coffee that has taken the crown with it’s irresistible spin on coffee classics and a good old fashioned eating challenge, how could we resist?
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