Top Five "Do What You Want We're Not Your Mum" Things To Do

Written by: Sophie Taylor

October. Stop smoking, stop drinking, stop breathing, be more aware, keep breathing, stop giving up, stop trying not to fall on the tubeline…

Abstinence and being told what to do can bugger right off. We’re channeling our year 5 swimming teacher here who, when asked whether we should put our swimming cap on or not, shouted I’M NOT YOUR MOTHER. I DON’T LOVE YOU. I HARDLY EVEN KNOW YOU.

Never a truer word was spoken. Go cap-less. This is your October.

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1. Pig out

Kerb’s fourth birthday party, Kings Cross

Smartie exploding chocolate buttercream donuts anyone?

Quickly make space in your stomachs, for street food collective Kerb have made it to the grand old age of four. In celebration they are hosting a big party in West Handyside Canopy Kings Cross. There’ll be traditional four year old birthday games, a hip hop marching band and plenty of insane food. With slightly less conventional fourth birthday party alcohol: look out for birthday cake spritz cocktails and speciality craft beers on tap.

But let’s get back to the important bit: the tasty ass food. You’ll be spoilt for choice here. For the carnivores there’s ox heart pepperoni quesadillas, Bleecker burger sliders, ahi tuna poke boats and vietnamese chicken skewers just to begin. What’s a tuna poke boat when it’s at home? I don’t care as long as it’s in my mouth. 

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For the lentil munchers out there you’ve got deep fried spaghetti balls and mac n cheese fries with dipping sauce from Anna Mae’s. The sweet tooth ones can rejoice with baked Alaska and marshmallow sauce or butterscotch honeycomb pecan choux cones for afters. I say ‘or’. You can totally have both, I’m not your mum.

Wash it all down with a spiced tequila Tegroni cocktail or a Beavertown Neck Oil craft beer. Again, those are just examples. Feel free to mix your drinks and have more than one, I’m 100% still not your mum. Afterwards you can whirl your bellies around to Pig & Rig’s eclectic sound system, live music and the sounds of your own digestive system working extra hard.

Gosh how do we love you Kerb. Let us count the ways on our greasy little fingers.

Tickets are a mere £4 (how topical) and include a lucky dip shooter.

Friday 14th October, 5-11pm Kings Cross West Handyside Canopy.

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2. Treat yourself 

Stylist Live, Islington

13th – 16th October

Style, beauty and business advice. With cocktails.

Are you the kind of person who wants to hear the likes of Caitlan Moran or Sophie Ellis-Bextor waffle on about various topics, learn how to code and get savvy ass business advice? Whilst sipping chambord, watching catwalk shows and getting your hair did?

Well look no further freakish multi taskers. It’s the Stylist Live event from 13th – 16th October in Islington Business Centre. There’ll be over 150 talks and workshops with more than 100 boutique pop-ups and free pampering on tap.

Get a ticket and reserve your place at the talks and workshops you most fancy the look of.

If you fancy upgrading to VIP level you’ll be able to sashay into the VIP area, viewing gallery and hair styling / make-up stations while chowing down on complimentary food and drink and swinging your Stylist Live goodie bag in people’s newly make-overed faces. Treat yourself.   

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3. Spit or swallow

Greek Larder Wine Festival, 8th – 9th October

Screw Oktoberfest. Noone should need an excuse to drink copious amounts of beer and ale. We certainly don’t. Neither do we need to wear costumes for the occasion. Shun the yeasty beer drinkers for one weekend and get your wine on instead at the Greek Larder Wine Festival.

Over 130 Greek wines are on offer at the festival in King’s Cross, with delicious Greek food, live Greek music and guest speakers. All brought to you by Theodore Kyriakou and hosted this year by multi-award winning wine expert, Olly Smith.

Tickets are £10. Book in advance, as they say, to avoid wine-based disappointment.

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4. Play with your food

Christabel’s Parties

Who and what are Christabels?

In a secret location overlooking Regent’s Canal, owner Christabel Beeson hosts immersive eating and drinking experiences born out of her love of unique concepts and events. Regular pop up events include botanical speakeasies, Mad Hatter brunches and edible playgrounds all served up on Christabel’s beautifully hand painted ceramics.

This month you could find yourself at a macaron art workshop or even a bejewelled cocktail masterclass where you’ll realise how wrong you were to simply pour from the bottle into your mouth.

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At an edible playground event you’re positively encouraged to play with your food and create the likes of Snakes & Ladders bruschetta, quinoa and castles and paint-your-own soy ginger honey chicken. What’s more, Christabels donate a percentage of ticket sales to edible playgrounds which inspires children to grow and eat good, nutritional food.

All events on offer can also be tailored for private parties. They even have a seriously pimped glampervan for hire, a 1980s Ambulance in a previous life, ideal for festivals, weddings and glittering weekend getaways.

Offbeat, appetising and charitable.

Find tickets here for various dates across October in a secret N1 location, £30 – £40

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5. Laugh inappropriately loud

Thom Fooles House Party, Angel

Let’s face it, by Thursday we’re all starting to glaze over and walk that little bit more slowly over busy roads. So dust yourself off and slap a grin on your face at Thom Fooles House Party in Angel.

An evening of stand up, storytelling, party games and clowns. Which I hope just translates as physical comedy rather than something to do with those recent ‘clown attacks’. As if life isn’t hard and surreal enough without this particularly niche threat.

You can also expect cabaret acts and DJs with guest hosts each time. They’ve had names such as Daniel Simonsen, Jonny Awsum, Peter Bazely, Frank Sanazi, Lee Kern, East End Cabaret, The Establishment, Sophie Pelham and more! So if any of those names ring a bell, and a positive bell at that, book yourself a ticket misery guts.

Go forth, be merry, be miserable. I quite frankly do not give a damn.

“I’m not your mother. I don’t love you. I hardly even know you”.


Need some more divine inspiration? Have a read of our top four most October-y suggestions or try our top five supper club ideas this month.

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Theatre of Choice: Stick and Twisted by Hivemind

Hivemind are coming to the Hen and Chickens Theatre this Summer with a cracker of an innovative show. Three directors try to win over the audience with improvised stories acted out by the rest of the Hivemind cast on the spur of the moment. As each scene ends you decide whether to “stick” and see where the story goes or “twist” and let the next director take over. The director who ends up with the least scenes acted out has to pay a ‘terrible forfeit’. Told you it was harsh.

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Eat & Drink

Hidden Culinary Gem: The Lacy Nook

We have been wondering whether or not to share this secret gem with you for a while now. Having walked past Cazenove Road on many a drunken occasion, we’d spotted The Lacy Nook A Board luring us inwards with a siren’s call of cocktails and beer garden. But unfortunately we’d get the timing all wrong and they’d rarely be open. “Closed at 4am! How ludicrous?” we’d holler, slurring and swaying up the road. Until now. Opening last year, The Lacy Nook is a collaboration between two friends who turned to Kickstarter to help them achieve this culinary dream . Think small and large plates of fusion Balkan BBQ, salads and carpaccio alongside

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Playing Up: New NYT Show, Three

This year, Playing Up have commissioned a new play by Sophie Ellerby (HighTide First Commissions Writer and NYT REP Company 2013), Three, which will be staged at the Arcola Theatre from 20th to 22nd July. The urban and domestic drama, directed by NYT Associate Director Anna Niland follows three sisters who fight to keep track of reality as their world is turned upside down.

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Laughable Acts at Backyard Comedy Club

Tonight, on this dull yet sweaty Monday, what you may well need is to show your confectionary based fillings to the ceiling and let it all out with a huge bellowing guffaw about nothing in particular. Let the likes of quick witted Josie Long, surreal twosome Max and Ivan and the downright uproarious Tom Parry help you escape the chocolate lacking reality of 2017.

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Fur Dates: Lottie is Looking for Love

Registered charity, All Dogs Matter are a dog rehoming centre based in Archway. They use a mixture of foster homes and kennel spaces to house their dogs, who are each looking to be fostered or adopted. Occasionally we look through their profiles of beautiful singletons looking for love and feature one at random. We interviewed one newly single lady in particular called Lottie. A fun spirited character with smooth hair and a huge grin, Lottie was a right laugh.

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Get Involved: Cally Road Jumble Trail

Next Sunday it’s the Cally Road Jumble Trail, run by the community. Think a car boot sale but on the street with vintage clothing, accessories, toys, original creations and cakes if you’re lucky. The whole of the trail is set up online over at where visitors get a colour coded map to explore and discover all the hidden treasures on offer from your neighbourhood.

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Lifestyle List

Top Four ‘What the Deuce!’ Wimbledon Screening Spots

You’ve got your socks pulled up but no Cliff Richard in sight. You’re all white shorted up with nowhere to go. It’s time to find out where your white headbanded self will fit in. Here's our top four Wimbledon screening hang outs to try this Summer.

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Eat & Drink Events

Midsummer Fizz Masterclass at Yield N16

Until five minutes ago I would’ve believed Pet Nat was a holistic dog food brand / veterinary business in Wood Green. I’m half right actually*, but in the boozios world it’s a fizzy wine. Pétillant Naturel is light and fizzy, usually pretty low on the alcohol scale and rather sweet. Think the opposite of a dry red wine.

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Eat & Drink

World Foods Market, Abney Hall

Abney Public Hall is hosting a market of world food delicacies next weekend, having gathered together the creme de la creme of planet Earth’s cuisine. Prepare for a mass fusion of cultures, great food, drink and music just off Stoke Newington Church Street.

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Quiz: How Gentrified Are You?

Otherwise known as the shoredification of London, there are four stages of denial when it comes to dealing with the inevitability of gentrification. Are you a dilapidated ol’ boozer clinging on to the same threads since 1989, or more of a craft beer-swilling/moustache-bearing pop up type propping up the bar at a cookie dough cafe? Let’s find out before your bedroom’s transformed in to a pop up belfie gallery.

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Eat & Drink Events

Poop poop! Supper Club Banquet at Toad Hall

Poop poop! Get your driving gloves on and tweed jackets ready, for Toady has invited us down to Toad Hall for a banquet on the riverbank. Join The Literary Hour for their all new immersive supper club experience this Summer. It’s the eighth in their series of book themed events with multi-sensory five course meals featuring additional surprises… Ooh ratty!

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Comedians, Rappers, Actors: Open Mic Night in Stokey

Every last Thursday of the month a motley crew of performing acts shuffle off to the skinny little Moustache Bar on Stoke Newington Road for a night of microphone hogging. It’s Open Mic night and the stage isn’t just available to acoustic guitar yielding crooners. The floor is open for all you comedians, rappers, poets, hell even actors are welcome to come tread the boards at Moustache Bar this Thursday 27th July.

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Events Lifestyle

Walking Tour of Stokey's Rebel History

Ah Stokey. You chilled out little rebel of North London. The seemingly easy breezy, laissez-faire attitude that appears to exude from every award winning eatery and baby clothes shop of Church Street is all but an organic hessian veil over it’s anarchic and rebellious history. Nonconformists, anti fascists and dissenters built the area as we know it.

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Eat & Drink

Eating North London: Punjabi Supperclub Recipe

Trying our luck, we decided to ask the wonderful Raina and Saira of Joginder Supper Club to give us some unseen insight in to their centuries old Punjabi recipes. Amazingly they agreed to shed some light on one of their most tasty dishes: the Bhoolghobi Tamatar (cauliflower with tomato and potato). Over to the experts...

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Culture Eat & Drink Lifestyle

North London Bike Tour: Tour De North Four

So this July 198 cyclists head over to Germany to start the Tour de France. If you think that is weird, wait till I tell you it started in Yorkshire a few years ago. Anyway after the three days of the Grand Depart the spectacle of the world's biggest sporting event heads back to France and the action really begins.

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Glastonbury Comes to North London

Did you take one look at the ticket prices for Glastonbury, vomit in your mouth and close your laptop slowly? Did you get a debilitating case of FOMO scrolling through your friends Glastonbury pics and “oops lost my phone at Radiohead” status updates? Or did you actually go to Glastonbury, witness Jon Snow drop the f bomb and now know that life will never get any better