Top Five "Do What You Want We're Not Your Mum" Things To Do

Written by: Sophie Taylor

October. Stop smoking, stop drinking, stop breathing, be more aware, keep breathing, stop giving up, stop trying not to fall on the tubeline…

Abstinence and being told what to do can bugger right off. We’re channeling our year 5 swimming teacher here who, when asked whether we should put our swimming cap on or not, shouted I’M NOT YOUR MOTHER. I DON’T LOVE YOU. I HARDLY EVEN KNOW YOU.

Never a truer word was spoken. Go cap-less. This is your October.

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1. Pig out

Kerb’s fourth birthday party, Kings Cross

Smartie exploding chocolate buttercream donuts anyone?

Quickly make space in your stomachs, for street food collective Kerb have made it to the grand old age of four. In celebration they are hosting a big party in West Handyside Canopy Kings Cross. There’ll be traditional four year old birthday games, a hip hop marching band and plenty of insane food. With slightly less conventional fourth birthday party alcohol: look out for birthday cake spritz cocktails and speciality craft beers on tap.

But let’s get back to the important bit: the tasty ass food. You’ll be spoilt for choice here. For the carnivores there’s ox heart pepperoni quesadillas, Bleecker burger sliders, ahi tuna poke boats and vietnamese chicken skewers just to begin. What’s a tuna poke boat when it’s at home? I don’t care as long as it’s in my mouth. 

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For the lentil munchers out there you’ve got deep fried spaghetti balls and mac n cheese fries with dipping sauce from Anna Mae’s. The sweet tooth ones can rejoice with baked Alaska and marshmallow sauce or butterscotch honeycomb pecan choux cones for afters. I say ‘or’. You can totally have both, I’m not your mum.

Wash it all down with a spiced tequila Tegroni cocktail or a Beavertown Neck Oil craft beer. Again, those are just examples. Feel free to mix your drinks and have more than one, I’m 100% still not your mum. Afterwards you can whirl your bellies around to Pig & Rig’s eclectic sound system, live music and the sounds of your own digestive system working extra hard.

Gosh how do we love you Kerb. Let us count the ways on our greasy little fingers.

Tickets are a mere £4 (how topical) and include a lucky dip shooter.

Friday 14th October, 5-11pm Kings Cross West Handyside Canopy.

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2. Treat yourself 

Stylist Live, Islington

13th – 16th October

Style, beauty and business advice. With cocktails.

Are you the kind of person who wants to hear the likes of Caitlan Moran or Sophie Ellis-Bextor waffle on about various topics, learn how to code and get savvy ass business advice? Whilst sipping chambord, watching catwalk shows and getting your hair did?

Well look no further freakish multi taskers. It’s the Stylist Live event from 13th – 16th October in Islington Business Centre. There’ll be over 150 talks and workshops with more than 100 boutique pop-ups and free pampering on tap.

Get a ticket and reserve your place at the talks and workshops you most fancy the look of.

If you fancy upgrading to VIP level you’ll be able to sashay into the VIP area, viewing gallery and hair styling / make-up stations while chowing down on complimentary food and drink and swinging your Stylist Live goodie bag in people’s newly make-overed faces. Treat yourself.   

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3. Spit or swallow

Greek Larder Wine Festival, 8th – 9th October

Screw Oktoberfest. Noone should need an excuse to drink copious amounts of beer and ale. We certainly don’t. Neither do we need to wear costumes for the occasion. Shun the yeasty beer drinkers for one weekend and get your wine on instead at the Greek Larder Wine Festival.

Over 130 Greek wines are on offer at the festival in King’s Cross, with delicious Greek food, live Greek music and guest speakers. All brought to you by Theodore Kyriakou and hosted this year by multi-award winning wine expert, Olly Smith.

Tickets are £10. Book in advance, as they say, to avoid wine-based disappointment.

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4. Play with your food

Christabel’s Parties

Who and what are Christabels?

In a secret location overlooking Regent’s Canal, owner Christabel Beeson hosts immersive eating and drinking experiences born out of her love of unique concepts and events. Regular pop up events include botanical speakeasies, Mad Hatter brunches and edible playgrounds all served up on Christabel’s beautifully hand painted ceramics.

This month you could find yourself at a macaron art workshop or even a bejewelled cocktail masterclass where you’ll realise how wrong you were to simply pour from the bottle into your mouth.

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At an edible playground event you’re positively encouraged to play with your food and create the likes of Snakes & Ladders bruschetta, quinoa and castles and paint-your-own soy ginger honey chicken. What’s more, Christabels donate a percentage of ticket sales to edible playgrounds which inspires children to grow and eat good, nutritional food.

All events on offer can also be tailored for private parties. They even have a seriously pimped glampervan for hire, a 1980s Ambulance in a previous life, ideal for festivals, weddings and glittering weekend getaways.

Offbeat, appetising and charitable.

Find tickets here for various dates across October in a secret N1 location, £30 – £40

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5. Laugh inappropriately loud

Thom Fooles House Party, Angel

Let’s face it, by Thursday we’re all starting to glaze over and walk that little bit more slowly over busy roads. So dust yourself off and slap a grin on your face at Thom Fooles House Party in Angel.

An evening of stand up, storytelling, party games and clowns. Which I hope just translates as physical comedy rather than something to do with those recent ‘clown attacks’. As if life isn’t hard and surreal enough without this particularly niche threat.

You can also expect cabaret acts and DJs with guest hosts each time. They’ve had names such as Daniel Simonsen, Jonny Awsum, Peter Bazely, Frank Sanazi, Lee Kern, East End Cabaret, The Establishment, Sophie Pelham and more! So if any of those names ring a bell, and a positive bell at that, book yourself a ticket misery guts.

Go forth, be merry, be miserable. I quite frankly do not give a damn.

“I’m not your mother. I don’t love you. I hardly even know you”.


Need some more divine inspiration? Have a read of our top four most October-y suggestions or try our top five supper club ideas this month.

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Between the Sheets at the Underbelly Festival

Holy smoke, her nipples are on fire! Somebody pass the woman an extinguisher. Wait, why is she climbing into that giant margarita glass - does she not know it's highly flammable? She's going to need to be doused with a sizable portion of aloe vera gel at this rate, the poor lamb. 

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Kids and Big Kids: Pizza, Curry and Open Air Cinema

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