Top Six “Heck No” Reasons Not to Live in Stroud Green

Written by: Alex Reach and Sophie Taylor

This post was very kindly sponsored by Davies & Davies Estate Agents

We asked Alex from Davies and Davies Estate Agents why he thinks Stroud Green is such a great place to rent or buy. He sat back in his leather chair, took a surprisingly large swig of hot coffee, regretted it, then gave us a stern look. What followed was an unrelenting onslaught of negativity that we have conveniently compiled into a list for you.

Each artery clogging pastry monger is as mouth watering as the next.
North Four, North London magazine, stroud green, estate agents, housing, living, vagabond coffee, pastries, cafes

1. I’m getting fat 

I despise the eateries round here. There’s at least forty cafes and each artery clogging pastry monger is as mouth watering as the next. The coffee from Vagabond is an absolute outrage. *Alex slams down his takeaway cup*

Who thought it was a good idea to serve artisan flat whites within walking distance of our office? I’m addicted to almond milk now and I will never get clean. But don’t get me started on the award winning restaurants that keep popping up like Meryl Streep oscar nominations.

Thanks to the likes of Petek’s tantalising Turkish fodder and incredible Brit/Euro cuisine from Season Kitchen, my palette has been well and truly spoilt and could never stomach a Tesco meal deal again. Particularly as Cats seem so intent on ruining my life with their lunchtime deal at the same price.

Thanks, you delicious dreamy Thai food satanists.

North Four, North London magazine, stroud green, estate agents, housing, living, vagabond coffee, pastries, cafes, Davies and Davies Estate Agents, travel, FInsbury Park

2. I’m overwhelmed 

There’s too much to do. Park Theatre can’t seem to stop themselves putting on new plays. Just when I go to book tickets, a new and more exciting sounding show pops up and I’m torn with choice. Then there’s all the sports clubs in the area: American football, baseball, rugby, running, cycling, climbing, even bowling! The list just keeps going. I’m racked with guilt if I don’t do something every morning before work. *Alex mops his brow with a Vagabond napkin and breathes in, getting a second wind* And then! Then there’s all the local charities that we support at work, I find myself donating my spare time to these too. My god it’s hard being so goodwilled.

No-one should live so close to this amount of independent shops
North Four, North London magazine, stroud green, estate agents, housing, living, vagabond coffee, pastries, cafes, Davies and Davies Estate Agents, travel, FInsbury Park, shopping, retail, clapton Craft

3. I’m spending all my money

No-one should live so close to this amount of independent shops. Crisis for example is simply too well stocked. Have you seen their window display? Constantly updated with new jackets, records and musical instruments, tempting us in to buy buy buy, all for a good cause. Revolting retail sirens.

MoseyHome can suck it as well. That independent furniture and homeware shop might specialise in mid century modern, but it majors in seducing unsuspecting pedestrians from the street into it’s alluring interior. I literally want to buy everything inside. 

But that’s not even mentioning Clapton Craft beer store on Stroud Green Road round the corner. Every time I walk past I find myself inside picking up new and unusual beers you just can’t find in Sainburys. Yet even after a big haul, I seem to have loads of cash left over for drinks. Which brings me to my next grievance:

North Four, North London magazine, stroud green, estate agents, housing, living, vagabond coffee, pastries, cafes, Davies and Davies Estate Agents, travel, FInsbury Park

4. I’m always pissed 

The amount of award winning drinking holes round Stroud Green is laughable. The World’s End with it’s bevy of craft ales, watching footie in The Old Dairy mid week, grabbing a hangover veggie burger and pint from The Stapleton Tavern… But old faithful, The Faltering Fullback calls my name every evening when I leave work and I simply cannot refuse. My life is a booze fuelled nightmare without the hangovers because the alcohol is so high quality. I may as well be Oliver Reed circa 1965.

5. I’m overworked 

It’s unrelentingly tiring being the number one Estate Agents. *Alex flicks his hair* People have caught wind of our excellent services and for some reason all want a piece of the action. I can barely catch a break to grab my mid morning croissant from Boulangerie Bon Matin for goodness sake. I blame the exquisite property descriptions. We’re going to need to start hiring more agents for our growing popularity which is, quite simply, a pain in my arse.

North Four, North London magazine, stroud green, estate agents, housing, living, vagabond coffee, pastries, cafes, Davies and Davies Estate Agents, travel, FInsbury Park

6. I’m too accessible

I have no excuse to stay in. The transport facilities around here make it impossible for me to say no to a night out in Central or East London or Stoke Newington, for example. Which is downright offensive to my plans of a decaying social life. The superb transport links mean I end up working late for all my clients, knowing I can get home in 15 mins. Ridiculous. Please learn from my mistakes and stay away from the area. 

Fair enough, Alex. We’ll be sure to steer clear of the foodie, cultural hell hole that is Stroud Green.

This article was kindly sponsored by Davies & Davies Estate Agents. All money raised from advertising in North Four goes straight back into making the magazine. We’re currently raising money to produce our very first print edition, if you’re interested in advertising with us please get in touch: claire@barefaced.co

Photos by Mike Barry

Regional Spanish tasting menu at Pilgrim, a new pop-up supper club in Hackney, North Four Magazine
Eat & Drink

Pilgrim: A Unique Spanish Pop-up Dining Experience

Pilgrim, the newest kid to Hackney's pop-up scene, is a unique dining experience inspired by the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage. This six course tasting menu includes regional dishes with a contemporary twist not yet seen before in London.

Read More...
Amelia Donkor as Rose standing in shadow behind Ian McDiarmid as Enoch Powell holding speech at Park Theatre
Culture

Theatre: What Shadows

Recent times have seen an unnerving surge in right-wing politics. President Trump’s campaign to ‘make America great again’ saw him make the audacious promise to ‘build a wall’. France saw the uneasy ascent of Marine Le Pen’s National Front in its general elections and Germany’s AfD, (the first openly nationalist party in almost six decades) celebrated an unprecedented third place victory in its recent elections.

Read More...
Dog being petted, North Four magazine
Events

Dogtober Doggy Brunch at The Narrowboat

Bark bark bark. Bark! Woof! Yep, you heard it straight from the dog’s mouth. Dogtober (definitely a real thing) is in full swing and The Narrowboat is hosting their annual Doggy Brunch next Saturday 21st October. Bone Appétit!

Read More...
Eat & Drink Events

Magic Roundabout's Retro Winter Wonderland

Summer is officially over. We're not sure it ever began in the first place. I guess that's one of the few downsides of living in London (other than crippling debt, tube strikes and Boris Johnson), but I digress... Magic Roundabout Old Street is raising the bar for winter, transforming the site into a tented, heated, 'Decades' inspired wonderland.

Read More...
Slow roasted lamb shank shawarma at Fat Macy's supper club in The Luminary Bakery, Stoke Newington
Culture Eat & Drink Events

Fat Macy's Middle Eastern Feast

Guess who’s back, back again. Fat Macy’s back, tell a friend. No, really. Tell everyone about it. Fat Macy's supper club came back into our lives and this time around they had their Middle Eastern Feast on at the cute as a button Luminary Bakery in Stoke Newington, with a menu inspired by Ottolenghi and the #CookForSyria campaign.

Read More...
North Four Magazine, Alcotraz, London, Pop up, Prison Bar, Hackney, East London
Eat & Drink Events

We Spent the Night in Alcotraz

Getting shouted at by a burly prison guard with a buzz cut and an offensively loud American accent isn't usually the way one wishes to begin one's night. Nevertheless, as I clamber into a very large (cheers guys) orange jumpsuit, the guard shoves a bottle of Conkers Gin wrapped in a thin towel (no fluffy Egyptian cotton here lads), into my now somewhat clammy hands. Whispering hastily at me to not get caught by the warden I'm ushered off in single file into the depths of Alcotraz.

Read More...
North Four, North London magazine, new beacon books, uk first black bookshop, books, refurb, campaign, reopened, mini black market, event, stroud green road
Culture Events

New Beacon Books Mini Market

If you haven’t heard the news yet, the world’s first black bookshop is back. Yes, after months of campaigning for funding and volunteers, New Beacon Books has reopened after threat of closure with a brand new refurb to boot. Established in 1966 by John La Rose and Sarah White, New Beacon Books is the UKs longest running independent bookshop specialising in African-Caribbean literature, cards and artwork.

Read More...
North Four, North London magazine, cocktail, mint gun club, stoke newington, tea room, london cocktail week, drinks, alcohol
Eat & Drink

Top Four “Hold My Phone I'm Going In” Cocktails

London cocktail week is upon us. To be honest I can think of nothing worse than strapping on a wristband, carrying around a guidebook and queuing up for something that just needs to be brought to my sorry, tired old lips immediately. Apparently this year however, Drink Up London have released an app that eliminates all of the above nonsense. Get your ticket, download the app and get enjoying your £6 cocktails all week long. Just remember to flash your digital pass to the bartender first.

Read More...
North Four, North London magazine, the psychotic monks, camden, gig, live band, music, culture
Culture Events

Music: The Psychotic Monks London Debut

Garage and psych rock fans rejoice - The Psychotic Monks are stopping off in Camden tonight as part of their European tour. Roughly translated from French (GCSE stylee merci very much), the psych rockers describe themselves as “noise, fury, music impregnated .. with life impulses” finding a balance between “neurotic madness and contemplative melancholy”.

Read More...
North Four, North London magazine, chicken, don and co, finsbury park, dining, eatery, teriyaki, bubble tea, pork, mixed veg, rice
Eat & Drink

Bubble Tea and Banging Teriyaki Chicken in Finsbury Park

A bubble tea place in Finsbury Park? That also does a bangin’ teriyaki chicken rice box? Uh, hell yeah. This little gem quietly opened up last March on Wells Terrace. Y’know the spot where folks bumble off the most crowded bus in the entirety of London and damn near break a hip scampering for the tube round the corner? Yeah, that little pocket of Finsbury Park.

Read More...
North Four, North London magazine, stoke newington, londoner, brown sauce, fish and chips, chippy, diner, condiment, bottles, counter top
Lifestyle

Londoners: Are We Proud or Ashamed?

According to a recent Provident Personal Credit survey Londoners still remain at the bottom of the friendliness scale scoring just 6.44 out of 10. Begging the question, how could anyone be possibly proud to be a Londoner? A city where its inhabitants revel in their ability to remain as cynical and isolated from the outside world as possible. A shallow group of people who are far more interested in Instagramming their brunch then saving money to buy houses or giving back to the community.

Read More...
North Four, North London magazine, Neil Laybourne, Jonny Benjamin, conference, mental health, charity, talks, speakers, event, raise awareness, finsbury park, arts and media school
Events

Conference: Raising Awareness for Mental Illness in Young Men

A series of talks taking place this November shines a necessary light on mental illness in boys and young men. Speakers will gather at Finsbury Park’s Arts and Media School to raise awareness and help advise on a variety of topics including substance misuse, eating disorders and suicide.

Read More...
North Four, North London magazine, green rooms hotel, arts, culture, review, interiors, design, photography, wood green
Eat & Drink Lifestyle

My First Night at Green Rooms Hotel

Staying in a hotel one mile from where you actually live feels strange enough, but doing it on your own is even stranger. These photos are a visual record of me wandering the lonely corridors of a new boutique hotel between the hours of 10-12pm. I would describe the decor as handmade but not cheap, minimal but not clinical. It has the feeling that money has been spent on the things that matter.

Read More...
North Four, North London magazine, cheese, fromage, cheese festival, n1, islington, market, festival, food, gouda, edam, brie, camembert, wheel of cheese
Eat & Drink

You Feta Brie-lieve it: Cheese Festival Comes to North London

The rumours are true: a cheese festival exists and it’s coming to North London. This Sunday. Be there or be … cheese-less I suppose. But you’ve gouda get there early:  If you’re as keen as brie and one of the first fifty fromage fondlers to show, you’re in the running for a free bottle of Black Cow’s pure milk vodka. Traders will be setting up stalls along Islington’s Chapel Market: from the Raclette Brothers and Mac to the Future to La Fromagerie and The Cheese Truck.

Read More...
North Four, North London magazine, dream phone, dream talk, sound art, collaboration, musician, artist, london, phone boxes
Culture Lifestyle

Dream Talk: Sound Art for Your Commute

Dream Talk. It’s like Dream Phone, but not at all. Artist Emma Alonze and musician Andy Becker have joined forces to collaborate on a (possibly prophetic) new sound art project. Londoners are invited to take a moment out of their daily commute, routine or journey and immerse themselves in a narrated collection of dreams. Taking three years worth of forty winks, Alonze has gathered and narrated a chosen few to be set to an ambient soundtrack by Becker.

Read More...
Events

Between the Sheets at the Underbelly Festival

Holy smoke, her nipples are on fire! Somebody pass the woman an extinguisher. Wait, why is she climbing into that giant margarita glass - does she not know it's highly flammable? She's going to need to be doused with a sizable portion of aloe vera gel at this rate, the poor lamb. 

Read More...