Top Six “Heck No” Reasons Not to Live in Stroud Green

Written by: Alex Reach and Sophie Taylor

This post was very kindly sponsored by Davies & Davies Estate Agents

We asked Alex from Davies and Davies Estate Agents why he thinks Stroud Green is such a great place to rent or buy. He sat back in his leather chair, took a surprisingly large swig of hot coffee, regretted it, then gave us a stern look. What followed was an unrelenting onslaught of negativity that we have conveniently compiled into a list for you.

Each artery clogging pastry monger is as mouth watering as the next.
North Four, North London magazine, stroud green, estate agents, housing, living, vagabond coffee, pastries, cafes

1. I’m getting fat 

I despise the eateries round here. There’s at least forty cafes and each artery clogging pastry monger is as mouth watering as the next. The coffee from Vagabond is an absolute outrage. *Alex slams down his takeaway cup*

Who thought it was a good idea to serve artisan flat whites within walking distance of our office? I’m addicted to almond milk now and I will never get clean. But don’t get me started on the award winning restaurants that keep popping up like Meryl Streep oscar nominations.

Thanks to the likes of Petek’s tantalising Turkish fodder and incredible Brit/Euro cuisine from Season Kitchen, my palette has been well and truly spoilt and could never stomach a Tesco meal deal again. Particularly as Cats seem so intent on ruining my life with their lunchtime deal at the same price.

Thanks, you delicious dreamy Thai food satanists.

North Four, North London magazine, stroud green, estate agents, housing, living, vagabond coffee, pastries, cafes, Davies and Davies Estate Agents, travel, FInsbury Park

2. I’m overwhelmed 

There’s too much to do. Park Theatre can’t seem to stop themselves putting on new plays. Just when I go to book tickets, a new and more exciting sounding show pops up and I’m torn with choice. Then there’s all the sports clubs in the area: American football, baseball, rugby, running, cycling, climbing, even bowling! The list just keeps going. I’m racked with guilt if I don’t do something every morning before work. *Alex mops his brow with a Vagabond napkin and breathes in, getting a second wind* And then! Then there’s all the local charities that we support at work, I find myself donating my spare time to these too. My god it’s hard being so goodwilled.

No-one should live so close to this amount of independent shops
North Four, North London magazine, stroud green, estate agents, housing, living, vagabond coffee, pastries, cafes, Davies and Davies Estate Agents, travel, FInsbury Park, shopping, retail, clapton Craft

3. I’m spending all my money

No-one should live so close to this amount of independent shops. Crisis for example is simply too well stocked. Have you seen their window display? Constantly updated with new jackets, records and musical instruments, tempting us in to buy buy buy, all for a good cause. Revolting retail sirens.

MoseyHome can suck it as well. That independent furniture and homeware shop might specialise in mid century modern, but it majors in seducing unsuspecting pedestrians from the street into it’s alluring interior. I literally want to buy everything inside. 

But that’s not even mentioning Clapton Craft beer store on Stroud Green Road round the corner. Every time I walk past I find myself inside picking up new and unusual beers you just can’t find in Sainburys. Yet even after a big haul, I seem to have loads of cash left over for drinks. Which brings me to my next grievance:

North Four, North London magazine, stroud green, estate agents, housing, living, vagabond coffee, pastries, cafes, Davies and Davies Estate Agents, travel, FInsbury Park

4. I’m always pissed 

The amount of award winning drinking holes round Stroud Green is laughable. The World’s End with it’s bevy of craft ales, watching footie in The Old Dairy mid week, grabbing a hangover veggie burger and pint from The Stapleton Tavern… But old faithful, The Faltering Fullback calls my name every evening when I leave work and I simply cannot refuse. My life is a booze fuelled nightmare without the hangovers because the alcohol is so high quality. I may as well be Oliver Reed circa 1965.

5. I’m overworked 

It’s unrelentingly tiring being the number one Estate Agents. *Alex flicks his hair* People have caught wind of our excellent services and for some reason all want a piece of the action. I can barely catch a break to grab my mid morning croissant from Boulangerie Bon Matin for goodness sake. I blame the exquisite property descriptions. We’re going to need to start hiring more agents for our growing popularity which is, quite simply, a pain in my arse.

North Four, North London magazine, stroud green, estate agents, housing, living, vagabond coffee, pastries, cafes, Davies and Davies Estate Agents, travel, FInsbury Park

6. I’m too accessible

I have no excuse to stay in. The transport facilities around here make it impossible for me to say no to a night out in Central or East London or Stoke Newington, for example. Which is downright offensive to my plans of a decaying social life. The superb transport links mean I end up working late for all my clients, knowing I can get home in 15 mins. Ridiculous. Please learn from my mistakes and stay away from the area. 

Fair enough, Alex. We’ll be sure to steer clear of the foodie, cultural hell hole that is Stroud Green.

This article was kindly sponsored by Davies & Davies Estate Agents. All money raised from advertising in North Four goes straight back into making the magazine. We’re currently raising money to produce our very first print edition, if you’re interested in advertising with us please get in touch: claire@barefaced.co

Photos by Mike Barry

Bahn Mi Baguette at Pho Hot Vietnamese restaurant in Holloway North London shot for North Four Magazine.
Eat & Drink

Banh Mi and Friends at Pho Hot Holloway

Flocking to Holloway Road on one of the many Sundays that we’ve spent at the Nag’s Head Car Boot Sale, we spotted a new Vietnamese place called Pho Hot getting ready to open up their doors. Being the nosy folks we are, we peeked inside and spotted a menu. Banh Mi was on it. It's a baguette, but not as you know it. Glory of all glories! It’s been far too long since I last consumed this distinctive sarnie and I'm happy as Larry that there's a new Banh Mi joint on my doorstep.

Read More...
Lee Garrett standing on stairs with window in background for North Four Magazine
Lifestyle

Top 4 Tips to Protect Your Skin From London Winter!

Baby, it’s getting cold outside, and what better way to aide our frostbitten noses than a chat to a professional skin person? We’re talking to Lee Garrett, founder of The Garrett Clinic, accomplished skincare specialist and heralded by many as the UK’s leading Skin Guru. Read on to find out his insider tips for surviving this winter season with your skin looking as radiant as the moon that breaks a stormy night.

Read More...
Illustration of tank with duck in it reading 'peace is coming' at Atom Gallery for North Four Magazine
Culture

Tomorrow's World at Atom Gallery

Joined by over 50 other artists incorporating printmaking, painting, digital art, photography and small-scale sculpture, Tomorrow’s World presents us with utopias, dystopias, predictions, prophecies and visions of the future. We hit up the private view last Friday and it was pretty damn bleak, in the best sense of the word.

Read More...
Brave Sir Robin Opening 14th December 2017
Eat & Drink

Local Thinking, Craft Beer Drinking: Brave Sir Robin Launches in Crouch Hill

Carouse founders Chris, Theo and Ben – the charming folk behind Kentish Town’s Rose and Crown – have a new venture afoot and we couldn’t be more bloody excited to see it. We’ve been creeping in their windows, peering through the paint and sneaking glimpses at builders’ bums for a few months now (okay, maybe not the last one), watching these guys transform this cosy corner of Crouch Hill into a rather cool little boozer. Now they’re opening and everyone is invited. Come one, come all, and try all 20 of their beers on tap with us.

Read More...
Back of persons head with cigarette tucked over ear
Events

Body Hammer: Clubbing, but not how you know it

Last month I decided to try clubbing again. I don’t quite know what came over me, but I actually (brace yourselves) enjoyed it. I went to Body Hammer’s monthly party in Manor House and I’m here to tell you to go too, whether you love clubbing, hate clubbing, or really couldn’t care either way. #notspon

Read More...
Close up of person shoving a stuffed potato skin into her mount at Skins in The Magic Roundabout for North Four Magazine
Eat & Drink Events

Go Your Own Way at Skins' Fleetwood Mac & Cheese Night

Rich, fried, buttery, potato-y vessels loaded with flavor combinations that go down rather well with craft beer, late nights and good times. Ha, who am I kidding, EVERYTHING goes down well with beer. You heard that right buddy, loaded potato skins are back with a bang (and a generous portion of bacon) and are currently being served at Old Street's The Magic Roundabout by street food pop-up Skins and we could not be any happier. Well, unless they were to stuff it with, say, Mac and Cheese or risotto. Oh, that's exactly what they do? Well paint me green and call me a cucumber.

Read More...
Christmas Gift Guide by Pretty Shiny Shop in Stroud Green North London
Lifestyle List

A Very Pretty Shiny Christmas Gift Guide

Magical gifts, wonderful gifts, marvellous gifts, beautiful gifts, gifts, glorious gifts glo-ri-ous giiiiiifts. Please Sir, I want some more. It’s that time of year again and whether you love it or loathe it gifts will be purchased and presented into expectant hands. Stroud Green's very own Pretty Shiny Shop have compiled a gift guide to help ease the shopping shock. Imagine only having to trot to your local gift shop and tick off your entire shopping list in one fell swoop. Done, finito, terminado! To make it that little sweeter, it's also all very affordable... so you won't even have to pick a pocket or two.

Read More...
Three people clinking plastic glasses in the air in a tent with people in the background at Thor's Tipi Bar in Regent's Place
Eat & Drink Events

Drink, Feast, Conquer, Repeat. Thor's Tipi Bar Has Arrived.

Alright guys, it’s happening. The frosty charm of December is, once again, being beaten to a pulp by the capitalists’ wet dream: Christmas. The hideous twinkling of artificial outdoor lighting is starting to appear, with tourists flocking from far and wide to watch D-list celebrities press a button. Invitations to Christmas parties flood in from your multiple part-time jobs, ensuring you make bad decisions bi-weekly til next year. Supermarkets are selling 12-day advent calendars containing confetti, cookie cutters and candles for a flawless £50. And oh, how the mulled wine flows.

Read More...
Girl peeking through gold and pink balloons at Top Balloon in Shop Stroud Green for North Four Magazine
Eat & Drink Events

Shop Stroud Green Christmas Trail 2017

Who doesn’t love a cheeky statistic, correctly sourced? You know we do. Well, did you know that for every £1 spent with a small business, 63p is re-spent in the local area, as opposed to a measly 40p in every £1 re-spent locally with larger businesses? An absolute travesty, am I right? That 23p has to mean something, right, guys?! Guys? Guys, where are you going? Wait, there’s freebies involved too!

Read More...
Eat & Drink Events Lifestyle List

Top 4 'Christmas is just a bad excuse for a' Winter Markets

By gum there are a lot of winter markets this year. Fueled by sickly sweet mulled wine and overpriced pulled pork sliders, we’ve managed to wade our way through the murky waters of winter markets and find some decent looking ones round this here part of town. Don’t let our Grinch-esq vibes put you off (I’m more of a Pancake Day person myself) because, if you’re into markets, you’ll probably like these. Read on, if you’re merrier than us.

Read More...
The Vinteriors team and Mary le Comte at Moseyhome in Finsbury Park, North London for 'Style My Shop'.
Lifestyle

Style My Shop: Vinterior x Moseyhome

Take a short walk along Finsbury Park’s own sunset strip and you’ll find MoseyHome, an interiors retailer and styling consultancy who have invited us to collaborate with them on an exciting new series titled 'Style My Shop', in which they invite some of London's most talented interiors experts to quite literally style their shop. Interiors porn at it's finest.

Read More...
Eat & Drink Events List

Top Five "It's That Time Of Year Again" Things To Do This Winter

Why was the snowman sad? Because he had a meltdown. Much like us, every year, when winter comes. It’s cold, it’s dark, and we know Christmas is on its way. But hey, it’s not all bad – the events round this time of year can be pretty swell. So don your scarf-shawl-blanket and get your frolic on, it’s time for fairy lights, scarfing mulled wine and stuffing your face!

Read More...
Hand feeling colourful splashes of artwork at Smith and Sinclair Flavour Gallery
Culture Eat & Drink Events

Suck it at The Flavour Gallery

Touch, taste, smell, hear and create art. Smith & Sinclair, purveyors of the Edible Cocktail, presents The Flavour Gallery: a multi-sensory adventure that’ll seduce your senses and tickle your taste buds beyond all imagination. Ooh matron!

Read More...
Hodgepodge on Crouch Hill, North London. New restaurant opening November 2017
Eat & Drink

New Opening: Hodgepodge Crouch Hill

Offering modern British cuisine with a smokey twist, Crouch Hill's newest contender to its foodie scene, Hodge Podge, is all minimal styling and hearty yet inventive dishes.

Read More...
Cartoon of vampires standing in tunnel for London Horror Festival
Events List

Top 4 ‘Eat, drink and be scary’ All Hallows haunts

Brush the cobwebs off your sexy banana costume; it’s that time of year to make a tit of yourself in fancy dress again. We’ve rounded up the most spine-chilling Halloween happenings in North London and, trust us, they sound horrendous. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Read More...