Your 'Hell No It's Not September' To Do List

Written by: Sophie Taylor

ARGH IT’S SEPTEMBER ALREADY WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE? Calm down, put those worries in a box and slide ’em under your bed. We’ve got September covered. Well the first half anyway. Check back mid month for another handy list of suggestions won’t you.

Walk on water and catch a fish

Basically get all blasphemous and try to be Jesus in Camden. On Saturday 3rd and Sunday 4th September you are cordially invited to sneak a peek at the bottom of Camden’s secret lock chamber. Hey hey, don’t mind if I do you saucy minx. It’s Camden Lock’s special open day weekend. This is your rare opportunity to get up close and personal with Hampstead Road Lock 1A and see all the repair work that’s been going on behind closed doors.

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Walk along original 200 year old brickwork and learn about ‘one of the finest examples of working heritage in the world’ without all that pesky canal water getting in the way. You can then get your silent groove on in one of the locks with 40 others for half an hour, if that’s the sort of thing you’d like to do on a Saturday night. Between 7-9pm you’ll be part of the first ever silent disco to be held in a lock chamber.

But if that’s not enough hushed celebration for you, register for a free fishing starter kit and let a licensed Level Two coach show you the ropes on the water (and by ropes I obviously mean fishing line). “Why?” You ask quietly.

“Because it’s National Fishing Month, okay?”

Camden Lock Open Weekend. Free, first come first served from 10am

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Folk about

I remember the first time I saw someone playing the spoons. It changed my life. I looked my Dad in the eye and said, that is all I want to do in life. I quit school, borrowed some teaspoons and found out I didn’t have a knack for it. If you’ve never had the honour of watching someone whack out a tasty rhythm on a pair of humble soup shovelers, you just simply haven’t lived. This Saturday could change all that. It’s the annual London Folk Festival at Cecil Sharp House in Camden from 11am September 3rd. Throughout the day there will be workshops and singarounds, as well as award-winning local and national acts well established on the folk and acoustic scene from the likes of Faustus and The Foxglove Trio. But get this: one of the events is a spoon workshop 😮 😅 Jo May will be providing an assortment of metal, wooden, plastic and joined-up spoons for the less dexterous amongst us. I’ll be there, banging a ladle against my leg if nothing else.

Tickets available here 

Satisfy your night munchies

Launching on the 3rd September, Islington Green Night Market will be opening from 5-9pm every Saturday evening. Expect a variety of chow from flavour saviours like Comfort Kitchen, Tico’s, Guasacaca, Chunky Buddha and Cheeky Burger. Just waltz straight in, they’re waiting for you and that rumbling belly of yours.

Islington Green Upper St N1, every Saturday 5-9pm 

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I’m a canoe, I’m a canoe, how do you do?

The next day, just up the road from Islington Green it’s the Angel Canal Festival. Relive your terrifying childhood experience of Punch & Judy acts (do they still do the whole domestic violence thing? What was that all about? And why was that crocodile’s mouth so loud) then catch some live music before climbing aboard an actual canoe on the canal. I can’t tell you what happens next as I make these sort of activities look like something you’d film for Jeremy Beadle (RIP). But I imagine you get a wooden stick thing and have to actually do some arm work to get upstream. Reward yourself afterwards with a treat from one of over eighty stalls selling food, bric-a-brac and canalware. Again, don’t ask me what that means – I’m not well versed in water based activities and their ‘wares’.

It’s free to swing by and feel like you’ve done something with your Sunday, from 11am – 5pm, 4th September Angel Canal.

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Tie dye the right way

Be safe, not sorry. Try a Japanese Shibori workshop in Finsbury Park. You too can swan about with a patterned tote bag if you head down to the Pretty Shiny Shop on Stroud Green Road this September 10th. Expert instructor Rob Jones will be there to show you the Japanese art of stitched and bound resist (fabric knotting and dying). Bring along a plain tea towel, pair of Converse (other plain, cotton shoes are available. From Primark usually. Much cheaper but not as long wearing you know?) Or even a lampshade, why not?

I once bought a six foot lamp from a charity shop and had to take it home on the bus and it really wasn’t that big of an ordeal so if you forget to remove the shade from the lamp and end up bringing the whole thing, who cares in the grand scheme of things.

Style it out, quite literally, at the Shibori (tie dye) workshop from 10am and learn the spider web, the wood grain and the running stitch. Yes it does sound like a dance lesson, good one Barbara. Your £40 ticket also includes some secret insider knowledge from our Rob and the white cotton bag itself.

Tickets available here.

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Get your TV fix at the Theatre

If you liked House of Cards or Homeland, peel yourself off your sofa and waddle down to the Park Theatre, Finsbury Park. Wishbone Films, in association with Park Theatre and Oliver Taheri Productions, are presenting the world premiere of The American Wife by Stephen Fife and Ralph Pezzullo. A political thriller throwing one woman’s trust into the balance as her husband is accused of being a terrorist. Let’s face it, a night at the Park Theatre beats Netflix and you can grab a pre show dinner at Yard Sale Pizza round the corner  and really feel like you’ve got out of the house. If you’re seriously attached to your screens you’ll find some familiar TV faces in the cast, who are a rather handsome line up of talented beasts.

Park Theatre are showing The American Wife until 1st October. Tickets are available here.

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Harvest your potential

You know how Noel Edmonds believes in the power of universe? Ask and you shall receive a never ending job as a host of a TV show about boxes? Well, the other day I was randomly thinking about hog roast and cider. Then I thought about some live blues (and sort of accidentally-on-purpose some gypsy jazz) and a bonfire. Then I pushed my luck and thought, all this for free, near me. Well guess what Blobby Appreciators? Noel knows what he’s talking about. On September 16th The Urban Orchard Project are hosting their annual Harvest Festival Party at Alara Warehouse in Camden where you’ll find all of the above dreams made manifest, as well as an apple pie bake off competition. Which means if you’ve been flouring up recently and asking for your own personal Paul Hollywood / Mary Berry scenario, the Universe was listening my little pastry fancier.

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It’s all in the name of supporting Camley Street Neighbourhood and raising awareness for sustainability. So just remember to show your appreciation to the powers that be with a small (or big) donation to The Urban Orchard Project and get stuck in to that spit roast, guilt free.

Urban Orchard Project Harvest Festival, September 16th at Alara Wholefoods Warehouse, 110-112 Camley St, London N1C 4PF. Free entry, donations welcome

Pub Pub Pub

If you’d rather spend your September weekends drinking pints and moaning then we are by no means stopping you. Check out some of our pub recommendations:

Top 4 After Work Pints 

Top 4 Dog Friendly Pubs

Top 4 Pub quizzes

Top 4 Places to cure a hangover

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Eat & Drink

Kerb’s Guiltiest Pleasures, All Weekend

“He said, I know It’s only arctic roll but I like it like it yes I dooooo” Those are the lyrics right? Well this weekend they certainly are, at Kerb’s Guiltiest Pleasure in Kings Cross featuring an arctic roll of pure indulgence. Over Friday 21st and Saturday 22nd July, the street food collective from your wildest dreams are hosting the most indulgent hits from all their pop ups at Granary Square.

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Theatre of Choice: Stick and Twisted by Hivemind

Hivemind are coming to the Hen and Chickens Theatre this Summer with a cracker of an innovative show. Three directors try to win over the audience with improvised stories acted out by the rest of the Hivemind cast on the spur of the moment. As each scene ends you decide whether to “stick” and see where the story goes or “twist” and let the next director take over. The director who ends up with the least scenes acted out has to pay a ‘terrible forfeit’. Told you it was harsh.

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Eat & Drink

Hidden Culinary Gem: The Lacy Nook

We have been wondering whether or not to share this secret gem with you for a while now. Having walked past Cazenove Road on many a drunken occasion, we’d spotted The Lacy Nook A Board luring us inwards with a siren’s call of cocktails and beer garden. But unfortunately we’d get the timing all wrong and they’d rarely be open. “Closed at 4am! How ludicrous?” we’d holler, slurring and swaying up the road. Until now. Opening last year, The Lacy Nook is a collaboration between two friends who turned to Kickstarter to help them achieve this culinary dream . Think small and large plates of fusion Balkan BBQ, salads and carpaccio alongside

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Playing Up: New NYT Show, Three

This year, Playing Up have commissioned a new play by Sophie Ellerby (HighTide First Commissions Writer and NYT REP Company 2013), Three, which will be staged at the Arcola Theatre from 20th to 22nd July. The urban and domestic drama, directed by NYT Associate Director Anna Niland follows three sisters who fight to keep track of reality as their world is turned upside down.

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Laughable Acts at Backyard Comedy Club

Tonight, on this dull yet sweaty Monday, what you may well need is to show your confectionary based fillings to the ceiling and let it all out with a huge bellowing guffaw about nothing in particular. Let the likes of quick witted Josie Long, surreal twosome Max and Ivan and the downright uproarious Tom Parry help you escape the chocolate lacking reality of 2017.

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Fur Dates: Lottie is Looking for Love

Registered charity, All Dogs Matter are a dog rehoming centre based in Archway. They use a mixture of foster homes and kennel spaces to house their dogs, who are each looking to be fostered or adopted. Occasionally we look through their profiles of beautiful singletons looking for love and feature one at random. We interviewed one newly single lady in particular called Lottie. A fun spirited character with smooth hair and a huge grin, Lottie was a right laugh.

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Get Involved: Cally Road Jumble Trail

Next Sunday it’s the Cally Road Jumble Trail, run by the community. Think a car boot sale but on the street with vintage clothing, accessories, toys, original creations and cakes if you’re lucky. The whole of the trail is set up online over at where visitors get a colour coded map to explore and discover all the hidden treasures on offer from your neighbourhood.

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Lifestyle List

Top Four ‘What the Deuce!’ Wimbledon Screening Spots

You’ve got your socks pulled up but no Cliff Richard in sight. You’re all white shorted up with nowhere to go. It’s time to find out where your white headbanded self will fit in. Here's our top four Wimbledon screening hang outs to try this Summer.

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Eat & Drink Events

Midsummer Fizz Masterclass at Yield N16

Until five minutes ago I would’ve believed Pet Nat was a holistic dog food brand / veterinary business in Wood Green. I’m half right actually*, but in the boozios world it’s a fizzy wine. Pétillant Naturel is light and fizzy, usually pretty low on the alcohol scale and rather sweet. Think the opposite of a dry red wine.

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Eat & Drink

World Foods Market, Abney Hall

Abney Public Hall is hosting a market of world food delicacies next weekend, having gathered together the creme de la creme of planet Earth’s cuisine. Prepare for a mass fusion of cultures, great food, drink and music just off Stoke Newington Church Street.

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Quiz: How Gentrified Are You?

Otherwise known as the shoredification of London, there are four stages of denial when it comes to dealing with the inevitability of gentrification. Are you a dilapidated ol’ boozer clinging on to the same threads since 1989, or more of a craft beer-swilling/moustache-bearing pop up type propping up the bar at a cookie dough cafe? Let’s find out before your bedroom’s transformed in to a pop up belfie gallery.

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Eat & Drink Events

Poop poop! Supper Club Banquet at Toad Hall

Poop poop! Get your driving gloves on and tweed jackets ready, for Toady has invited us down to Toad Hall for a banquet on the riverbank. Join The Literary Hour for their all new immersive supper club experience this Summer. It’s the eighth in their series of book themed events with multi-sensory five course meals featuring additional surprises… Ooh ratty!

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Comedians, Rappers, Actors: Open Mic Night in Stokey

Every last Thursday of the month a motley crew of performing acts shuffle off to the skinny little Moustache Bar on Stoke Newington Road for a night of microphone hogging. It’s Open Mic night and the stage isn’t just available to acoustic guitar yielding crooners. The floor is open for all you comedians, rappers, poets, hell even actors are welcome to come tread the boards at Moustache Bar this Thursday 27th July.

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Events Lifestyle

Walking Tour of Stokey's Rebel History

Ah Stokey. You chilled out little rebel of North London. The seemingly easy breezy, laissez-faire attitude that appears to exude from every award winning eatery and baby clothes shop of Church Street is all but an organic hessian veil over it’s anarchic and rebellious history. Nonconformists, anti fascists and dissenters built the area as we know it.

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Eat & Drink

Eating North London: Punjabi Supperclub Recipe

Trying our luck, we decided to ask the wonderful Raina and Saira of Joginder Supper Club to give us some unseen insight in to their centuries old Punjabi recipes. Amazingly they agreed to shed some light on one of their most tasty dishes: the Bhoolghobi Tamatar (cauliflower with tomato and potato). Over to the experts...

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Culture Eat & Drink Lifestyle

North London Bike Tour: Tour De North Four

So this July 198 cyclists head over to Germany to start the Tour de France. If you think that is weird, wait till I tell you it started in Yorkshire a few years ago. Anyway after the three days of the Grand Depart the spectacle of the world's biggest sporting event heads back to France and the action really begins.