Your 'Hell No It's Not September' To Do List

Written by: Sophie Taylor

ARGH IT’S SEPTEMBER ALREADY WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE? Calm down, put those worries in a box and slide ’em under your bed. We’ve got September covered. Well the first half anyway. Check back mid month for another handy list of suggestions won’t you.

Walk on water and catch a fish

Basically get all blasphemous and try to be Jesus in Camden. On Saturday 3rd and Sunday 4th September you are cordially invited to sneak a peek at the bottom of Camden’s secret lock chamber. Hey hey, don’t mind if I do you saucy minx. It’s Camden Lock’s special open day weekend. This is your rare opportunity to get up close and personal with Hampstead Road Lock 1A and see all the repair work that’s been going on behind closed doors.

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Walk along original 200 year old brickwork and learn about ‘one of the finest examples of working heritage in the world’ without all that pesky canal water getting in the way. You can then get your silent groove on in one of the locks with 40 others for half an hour, if that’s the sort of thing you’d like to do on a Saturday night. Between 7-9pm you’ll be part of the first ever silent disco to be held in a lock chamber.

But if that’s not enough hushed celebration for you, register for a free fishing starter kit and let a licensed Level Two coach show you the ropes on the water (and by ropes I obviously mean fishing line). “Why?” You ask quietly.

“Because it’s National Fishing Month, okay?”

Camden Lock Open Weekend. Free, first come first served from 10am

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Folk about

I remember the first time I saw someone playing the spoons. It changed my life. I looked my Dad in the eye and said, that is all I want to do in life. I quit school, borrowed some teaspoons and found out I didn’t have a knack for it. If you’ve never had the honour of watching someone whack out a tasty rhythm on a pair of humble soup shovelers, you just simply haven’t lived. This Saturday could change all that. It’s the annual London Folk Festival at Cecil Sharp House in Camden from 11am September 3rd. Throughout the day there will be workshops and singarounds, as well as award-winning local and national acts well established on the folk and acoustic scene from the likes of Faustus and The Foxglove Trio. But get this: one of the events is a spoon workshop 😮 😅 Jo May will be providing an assortment of metal, wooden, plastic and joined-up spoons for the less dexterous amongst us. I’ll be there, banging a ladle against my leg if nothing else.

Tickets available here 

Satisfy your night munchies

Launching on the 3rd September, Islington Green Night Market will be opening from 5-9pm every Saturday evening. Expect a variety of chow from flavour saviours like Comfort Kitchen, Tico’s, Guasacaca, Chunky Buddha and Cheeky Burger. Just waltz straight in, they’re waiting for you and that rumbling belly of yours.

Islington Green Upper St N1, every Saturday 5-9pm 

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I’m a canoe, I’m a canoe, how do you do?

The next day, just up the road from Islington Green it’s the Angel Canal Festival. Relive your terrifying childhood experience of Punch & Judy acts (do they still do the whole domestic violence thing? What was that all about? And why was that crocodile’s mouth so loud) then catch some live music before climbing aboard an actual canoe on the canal. I can’t tell you what happens next as I make these sort of activities look like something you’d film for Jeremy Beadle (RIP). But I imagine you get a wooden stick thing and have to actually do some arm work to get upstream. Reward yourself afterwards with a treat from one of over eighty stalls selling food, bric-a-brac and canalware. Again, don’t ask me what that means – I’m not well versed in water based activities and their ‘wares’.

It’s free to swing by and feel like you’ve done something with your Sunday, from 11am – 5pm, 4th September Angel Canal.

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Tie dye the right way

Be safe, not sorry. Try a Japanese Shibori workshop in Finsbury Park. You too can swan about with a patterned tote bag if you head down to the Pretty Shiny Shop on Stroud Green Road this September 10th. Expert instructor Rob Jones will be there to show you the Japanese art of stitched and bound resist (fabric knotting and dying). Bring along a plain tea towel, pair of Converse (other plain, cotton shoes are available. From Primark usually. Much cheaper but not as long wearing you know?) Or even a lampshade, why not?

I once bought a six foot lamp from a charity shop and had to take it home on the bus and it really wasn’t that big of an ordeal so if you forget to remove the shade from the lamp and end up bringing the whole thing, who cares in the grand scheme of things.

Style it out, quite literally, at the Shibori (tie dye) workshop from 10am and learn the spider web, the wood grain and the running stitch. Yes it does sound like a dance lesson, good one Barbara. Your £40 ticket also includes some secret insider knowledge from our Rob and the white cotton bag itself.

Tickets available here.

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Get your TV fix at the Theatre

If you liked House of Cards or Homeland, peel yourself off your sofa and waddle down to the Park Theatre, Finsbury Park. Wishbone Films, in association with Park Theatre and Oliver Taheri Productions, are presenting the world premiere of The American Wife by Stephen Fife and Ralph Pezzullo. A political thriller throwing one woman’s trust into the balance as her husband is accused of being a terrorist. Let’s face it, a night at the Park Theatre beats Netflix and you can grab a pre show dinner at Yard Sale Pizza round the corner  and really feel like you’ve got out of the house. If you’re seriously attached to your screens you’ll find some familiar TV faces in the cast, who are a rather handsome line up of talented beasts.

Park Theatre are showing The American Wife until 1st October. Tickets are available here.

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Harvest your potential

You know how Noel Edmonds believes in the power of universe? Ask and you shall receive a never ending job as a host of a TV show about boxes? Well, the other day I was randomly thinking about hog roast and cider. Then I thought about some live blues (and sort of accidentally-on-purpose some gypsy jazz) and a bonfire. Then I pushed my luck and thought, all this for free, near me. Well guess what Blobby Appreciators? Noel knows what he’s talking about. On September 16th The Urban Orchard Project are hosting their annual Harvest Festival Party at Alara Warehouse in Camden where you’ll find all of the above dreams made manifest, as well as an apple pie bake off competition. Which means if you’ve been flouring up recently and asking for your own personal Paul Hollywood / Mary Berry scenario, the Universe was listening my little pastry fancier.

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It’s all in the name of supporting Camley Street Neighbourhood and raising awareness for sustainability. So just remember to show your appreciation to the powers that be with a small (or big) donation to The Urban Orchard Project and get stuck in to that spit roast, guilt free.

Urban Orchard Project Harvest Festival, September 16th at Alara Wholefoods Warehouse, 110-112 Camley St, London N1C 4PF. Free entry, donations welcome

Pub Pub Pub

If you’d rather spend your September weekends drinking pints and moaning then we are by no means stopping you. Check out some of our pub recommendations:

Top 4 After Work Pints 

Top 4 Dog Friendly Pubs

Top 4 Pub quizzes

Top 4 Places to cure a hangover

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Who is Behind Eroc the Skateboarding Dog?

Our exclusive meeting with Eroc: the Beyonce of the skateboarding dog world. Eroc the french bulldog is making waves. With fans like Tony Hawk, BBC Radio and over 30k followers on Instagram (and counting), Eroc has also become something of an online sensation. His viral status comes and goes, randomly popping up on online social media channels every now and again to generate hundreds of thousands of views and clicks via the likes of Buzzfeed, Time Out and rogue iPhone filmers.

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Protest is Dead! Long Live Protest!

We all have our own ways of dealing with life when things get shitty. Having a big cry and getting it all out can be incredibly therapeutic, and even more so when we find ourselves repeating the same line over and over through the tears. “He’s a dick!” or “I’m not a bad person!” These little lines of reinforcement help us push through the crappy feeling. Sometimes we might even revert to a hearty little stamp on the floor / kick of some unsuspecting object. It feels surprisingly satisfying when the rage sets in and we feel helpless.

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Contemporary Malian Sounds in Stokey

This Friday sees the release of Malian master musicians, Trio Da Kali’s new album Ladilikan. Fusing rich, expressive vocals with traditional instruments like the balafon and bass ngoni, this is a beautiful mix of ancient Mande culture and contemporary Malian sounds. Luckily for us North Londoners, we have the opportunity to see the trio play live in the rather fitting ethereal surrounds of Stoke Newington Church next month. 

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On your Doorstep: Inside Sylvanian World

Walking along Monsell Road in Finsbury Park, we spy the charming exterior of a shop looking like something out of a children’s book circa 1932. Beneath a green and white striped awning, a whimsical new world of mini animals awaits. Once inside we stumble about the store in hushed awe, reaching over a book of minuscule carpet samples/ family of miniature otters to tap a tiny bell.

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Kids and Big Kids: Pizza, Curry and Open Air Cinema

Whether you’re looking for something to entertain your kids, your friends’ kids or that particularly large man child in your life, you might just have lucked out. Snug are hosting an open air screening of The Incredibles next Saturday evening. There will be tasty sourdough pizzas from Sodo Pizza (Upper Clapton) and ultimate authentic curries from Rice n Spice, Northwold Road.

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Eat & Drink

Ceremony: A New Take On Veggie Cuisine

Coming soon to a Tufnell Park near you is a whole new vegetable patch of delights / wheat field to run vicariously through. It’s time to get excited for Ceremony: a brand new bar/restaurant serving modern British veggie cuisine. Although the website remains tantalisingly mysterious, you can glean more info from their well stocked insta.

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Culture Eat & Drink Events List

Top 4 Weird Things to do This September

Sound baths, pit parties, fake cheese and nipples, these are a few of our favourite things, said no one ever. Bored of drinking down the pub every evening? Unlikely, but bare with me. Sometimes you just want to let down your hair, shake it off and do something down right odd of an evening... followed by a pint at the pub.

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Dating North London: IRL vs Textlationship

It’s been a few months since the last instalment of Online vs Offline. I deleted Bumble, Happn and Tinder, flirted with the idea of, went to a friend’s wedding, heard the vicar call my name instead of the Bride’s and reflected briefly on the crushing inevitability of my own spinsterhood before realising everyone was laughing in the pews and I should probably join them.

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Eat & Drink Events

Stroud Green Market Opens This Sunday!

Gluten-free cake consumers, vegan cheese enthusiasts, craft beer connoisseurs, lovers of pies and drinkers of tea; your time is now. Buy food of a quality & variety you can’t easily find in the shops, from organic meat to vegan cheese, fish caught that morning to pickles which have been fermenting for months, at Stroud Green market.

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Free Cake and Gin Soaked Folk Pop

Who’s up for free entry, free cake and free folk (except for a jaunty little hat that is passed around for donations)? Get down to The Finsbury this Wednesday eve for a little mid week hootenanny and celebrate some of the best in new live music from the ‘acoustic, singer-songwriter & indie-folk scene’. Host with the most, Zoe Konez (“Ridiculously talented, Konez handles her guitar like she was born with it” - For Folk's Sake) will be deftly introducing each act from gin soaked folk popster herself, Penniless Cove to German indie band, Kalon.


Lamps, Records, Frenchies: The Big London Flea

What if you could mix the joys of your local Sunday car boot and all it’s dog perving potential with your favourite vintage clothes shops and high end antique markets? Within the sparkling depths of Dalson’s former ABC cinema, you’ll find The Big London Flea: London’s largest indoor vintage market.

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Eat & Drink

The Great Big Nordic Brunch Off

Well, last Saturday morning gym memberships gave way to lie-ins and sleep finally bowed down to some serious carb cravings. Finding ourselves at Oslo later that morning, it was a case of hangover meets diet, salmon vs chorizo. If you’re not feeling too peckish, Oslo isn’t the place for you.

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Art, Cocktails and Mysticism in a Hair Salon

Joni Belaruski’s following has accompanied the artist from her Northern Irish roots and drummer beginnings with punk folk favourites, The Great Malarkey, to a plethora of London gallery shows. This September sees the painter join photographer Karla da Silva at The Beaucatcher Salon with new show, Jupiter Waiting For The Moon. Belaruski's paintings are at times dark and playful, while da Silva’s dreamy imagery is other worldly, creating both mystical landscapes and colourful smoke-filled portraiture.

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Andy Warhol Comes to Dalston

Get your glad rags on darlings. It’s time for a happening in Dalston. Farrs School of Dancing are recreating Andy Warhol’s Factory next Sunday with live performances, music, films and.. well, not quite silk screening but some good old school colouring-in to get stuck into. This is your chance to finally wear that suede fringe bolero and feather boa combo you gleamed from Crisis last October. The best dressed will receive their fifteen minutes of fame, in true Warholian screen test style.

Eat & Drink

Pet Nat Party All Night Long at Yield

Until five minutes ago I would’ve believed Pet Nat was a holistic dog food brand / veterinary business in Wood Green. I’m half right actually*, but in the boozios world it’s a fizzy wine. Pétillant Naturel is light and fizzy, usually pretty low on the alcohol scale and rather sweet. Think the opposite of a dry red wine.

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Culture Lifestyle

Beyond The Binary: Gender Specific Expressions That Need to Do One

As part of our Beyond The Binary series we asked stars of the upcoming Come As You Are Festival which gender specific expressions that really grind their gears. We started with Man Up! whose first answer came from the title of their show.